The month of December had come and gone quickly and before anyone knew it was almost Christmas. Things had changed so much that month, Jack couldn't believe how happy he was, it almost felt fake. But it wasn't. He hadn't seen or heard from Alex in over a month, yet it didn't faze him at all. He didn't have time to worry about Alex anymore, Kellin and him were growing closer and closer as each day passed. They spent every second together, as if they were joined at the hip. At first, Kellin would meet Jack at therapy, but as time passed he started to find himself in the basement of Laurain's house every morning helping Jack pick out his clothes for the day, and even having breakfast and chatting with Laurain herself if Jack was in the shower. The three of them had all grown quite close. But while this was all well and good for Jack, Alex was headfirst in a downward spiral through a bottomless pit of self pity.
"Alex, please get up, I know it's Christmas break but that doesn't mean you have to cut yourself off from the outside world okay, just call Jack. I know you miss him." Alex's mom had been pestering him through his bedroom door all morning. He didn't want to speak to anyone. He didn't want to move. He just didn't want to.
"Alex please call Jack-"
"I CAN'T" Alex's voice boomed through the house. He had fucking had enough.
"Why dear?" She whispered, silently slipping into his room and closing the door behind her.
"I-I just can't. You don't understand. I did a stupid thing. A very very stupid thing. And now he's gone. Forever. He's moved on mom. Gone." His voice cracked, and he broke down. Every emotion he had been suffocating down inside of himself came bursting out and he couldn't contain himself anymore.
"What do you mean moved on dear? Found a new friend? I don't understand" Ms. Gaskarth did her best to sound innocent. She knew it all, but she wanted Alex to tell her himself. She needed him to.
"He wasn't my friend mom. He was more than that. So much more." Alex could barely breathe, his hands were shaking, his tears where hot on his cheeks. "I loved him. I barely knew him, but I felt like I did. He made me happy. Happier than Sam, or Katerina, or Lisa, or any girl had ever made me. When he fell asleep in my arms every night, I was in heaven. I could feet his warm skin against mine. I know, it's wrong. I know I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did mom and it scared me so much. Max threatened to tell the school okay he threatened to tell everyone that I was gay unless I stopped talking to Jack. I made Jack think I hated him, I went too far. I shouldn't have cared about what the others thought about me but I did. And now he's met someone else. I see them together every fucking day. He's happy now. All I've ever done is hurt him. It's all too late now. It's over mom." He fell into his mom and she held him against her in silence. His tears stained her white blouse as she stroked his hair.
"I know Alex. I've known since the beginning. Since the first night, when I woke up to you and Jack cuddling together in front of the fire. I just wanted you to tell me yourself. I wanted to know you felt like you could confide in me. I love you more than anything in the world Alex. After your brother committed suicide, and your father left, I put my heart and soul into being the best mother I could be. I wanted you to know that even though they left you, I never would, and I didn't want you to leave me either. That's why I'm so worried about you darling, I'm scared you're going to do something drastic. Something that can never be undone. You need to go talk to Jack. You need closure. You can't live like this. Please Alex. Please" She caressed his face with her hands, wiping away his tears and pushing back his fringe.
"I don't think I can mom. I ruined it. I ruined it all because of my pride. I threw away the one person who accepted me for all my flaws. The one person who didn't care if I was popular, or if I had money. The one person who could love me. I lost my chance"
