No one is there

Sentiment is Deadly

It was months before I saw you.

I mean,
actually saw you,

Not just a glimpse on the street.
Or a similar passing by car.
It wasn't the temporary heart skip.

It was the first time i saw you,

watched you

And her.

it was months since I remembered that time we were up 'till 3 am on the phone.

It was the first time in months I'd seen your smile,

Heard your laugh in my ears.

You were walking

And so was she.

I couldn't catch my breath.

It was the first time in months I remembered the abrupt end of our beginning.

I spent the better part of a year wasting my life,

And I remembered it all for the first time in months

It was the first time in months I realized im still hurting.

My head wandered back to our trip to the zoo,
the rain.
The kiss.

Not that you would remember it...

I threw away that dress when you left.
You said you liked the length but only for you.
And it was your favorite color on me,

I thought i'd like it better in a landfill,

but all I really want now is to curl up in that same stupid dress,
Just to pretend for a moment that I was good enough,

Pretty enough,

Just...

Enough.

For the first time in months, I felt a pit in my stomach big enough to open up;
And swallow me whole.

And for the first time in months,

I wanted it to.

C. G.