Michaelishious - Vol. 2019

Dec. 12th: The mad scientist (pt. 1)

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

Oh, no. Not a again...

I sighed and ripped off my burning lab coat, and made sure my hair hadn't caught on fire. That had happened one time too many, and the scar on the back of my head was still painful. But right now, the most painful thing was that my entire science lab was blown to pieces for the third time the last couple of months. And this time, I wasn't even done rebuilding it!

I had to face it. I needed an assistant. Yesterday.

Now, I'm not the most patient man in the world, and today was no exception. But I quickly put out the fire in my lab and, more determined than ever, I walked out into the street and grabbed the first person I came over. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a two hundred year old fossil. And when she hit me in the head with her purse, I quickly removed my hands and grabbed the next  person that passed by. And that was a middle aged man with a hairy belly and a violent body odor. But even though it would be interesting to use him in chemistry and physical tests, and maybe find a way to remove that disgusting smell without actually forcing him into the shower, he didn't seem to be the right choice. And don't ask me how I knew about the hairy belly part...

But the next one seemed to be quite interesting. It was a blonde with a great amount of preservatives on board, meaning; at least four silicone implants and an unknown amount of hyaluronic acid and botox. And my instant thought was 'crash test dummy'. But when I cupped her breasts and tried to envision how her frontal airbags would do in a collision, she slapped my face and yelled at me. How rude. No. I had to find someone a little more enthusiastic than that.

On the corner outside a nearby coffee shop, I saw a girl angrily wringing her pockets in search of something. She seemed frisky enough and was also really nice to look at. So I decided to approach her politely not to scare her away.

"Hello, my name is Michael Jackson."

I stared at her, waiting for her response. But then I lost patience, grabbed her by the arm and pulled her after me towards my lab. Or what was left of it, anyway.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Hiring you," I mumbled, and continued to walk until she yanked her arm away from me.

"Stop it! I don't even know you!"

"You don't have to."

I tried to grab her arm again, but she refused and scowled at me.

"What? At least I presented myself," I said in defense.

"But I didn't, because you never gave me the time t..."

"You and me, up in my lab in two minutes!" I said, and snapped my fingers to make her move. And funny enough, she obeyed.

"Who are you?"

I heard her stumble up the stairs behind me, probably following my steps as I kicked away pieces of the broken door. Doors these days obviously were of poor quality, so maybe I should invent a new type of paint that was both bullet and bomb proof, to put on the next? I could just mix some new kinds of components and make a special formula with stronger bindings and adhesives than ordinary paint. And what's both flexible, strong and adhesive? Cobweb, of course! So if I started collecting spiders now, I would probably have enough to start the experiment autumn next year. Therefore I turned to the girl behind me.

"Do you like spiders?"

She blinked her eyes in confusion.

"Well.. I don't mind them, but..."

"Good. We're starting a breeding program after we've fixed the lab."

"Excuse me? We? There is no 'we' here! Do you even know what my name is?"