Need You

Internal Thoughts

Xavier and I started to go back to not talking to each other but the only time we talked was when we either wanted the kids from each other. I didn't mind it because I didn't want to have a confrontation with him and open closed wounds. If those wounds open, blood will pour and pain will explode throughout my body. I think I can actually move on from my past and probably start dating again but who wants a mother of two as a girlfriend. I sighed and looked back at my laptop. Life got busy. My business was booming and money and meetings were rolling in at a fast pace. It's getting stressful and I can't handle all of this at once.

Maybe I will stay single. Who knows? Who needs a man? That's just a headache. What if I'm into girls? Nahhh I'm not into that type. Maybe I'll get a cat. Nah I don't have time to care for that when I have work and toddlers to take care of. I think I need to stop thinking because I'm getting another headache and it's only eleven in the morning.

I covered my face and tried to clear my mind.

A knock at my door caused me to pay attention to reality. I sat up straight and fixed myself. "Come in", I said when I was presentable. A guy I don't know walked inside my office. I looked at him confused because I don't remember having an appointment with him or invited him. I think he noticed my look because I think it was a reassuring smile he gave me. You see, my life is not very sure of what's happening so I'm always questioning myself.

"Don't be alarmed. I'm here to speak with you about something", said this anonymous guy. He took a seat and fixed his suit. "Uh who are you and what do you want from me", I asked slightly alarmed and confused. "My name is James. At my cooperation, we came across your business and was willing to help expand your business even more and open stores internationally", so called James said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. Why would I believe him? Why wasn't he on my schedule? Who let him in my office? I kept my finger on my emergency button just in case. "What's your cooperation?", I asked.

"The Maxwell Cooperation."

I nodded pretending to knowing what the cooperation is.

"So your cooperation overall just helps business expand themselves and improve it economically wise?"

"Yes. We also expand your platform and bring in more customers that will lead to more opportunities"

Didn't I just rant about having too much on my plate. Is this a sign from God for me to be grateful for what I now have because something is coming to end all my happiness. God you better let me survive cause right now I need peace.

I blinked to get out of my little world and seen him looking at me weirdly. I smiled awkwardly. "Well...I don't have an answer for you at the moment is there a number I should call when I have my answer or an email?", I asked trying to get this guy out of my office before I have a mental breakdown.

He nodded and handed me a business card. "Just call anytime that's reasonable. If I don't answer then just leave a voicemail and I'll get back to you as soon as possible," he said as he stood. I nodded and placed it in my phone case.

I then stood and shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Pleasure is all mine", he said with a smile.

I gave him a fake smile and escorted him out of my office. I closed my door and breathed. I feel like I should be happy. Happy that I'm becoming this very successful business owner I once dreamed of and my kids are finally meeting and bonding with their dad. Instead I feel like someone is killing me slowly in the inside. I feel like someone is taking my supposed to be happy self and during me into someone whose depressed and confused on their life. I know what I want but when I got it, I don't want it anymore.

I think I need a therapist. No actually probably a neurosurgeon to cut open my frontal lobe and remove whatever is making me think this hard. I'm going to drive myself crazy with all of this thinking. Now my head hurts. Time to take some drugs aka pain relievers.

I went to my test and took some pain relievers and laid my head on my desk. Life is getting hard and crazy, but I'm going to push through it and make it alive. I sat up and went back to work because I am here at my office to work not overwork my self on internal problems. 

I worked at my office for hours that included designing new products, meetings, paperwork, and more work related actions. At the end of the day I get to go home to my kids...actually never mind. I get to go home to an empty house since everyone is either with their dad or doing their own thing that doesn't include me because yea it doesn't include me. I got into my car and drove to my house. I missed my kids. I missed them annoying me to death about the most random stuff ever but I still loved them and enjoyed their company. I entered my dark empty home and opened a lot of lights to make my house seem like there is people in it but there really isn't. I had ate at the office so I wasn't hungry. My house was a little bit dirty so to pass time I blasted music and cleaned it up. Cleaning is kinda a stress reliever because it shows me that I can put things away and clean up my messy life and even though it'll get messier I will know where to put everything away and clean it back up again. Music is also therapy because I'm able to sing and feel free and listen to my favorite musicians who got the most beautiful vocals I've heard. 

It took me an hour to clean due to this house being fairly huge but not as huge as some people I know. If you have money and want a big house you should buy a house that you know you're going to clean yourself because not always is there going to be someone there to clean it for you.  My parents taught me that money won't solve very basic necessities of life and sometimes we have to work for it ourselves. I lived a very privilege lifestyle that I pretty much didn't need to worry about not having the necessities to survive the next day. I'm grateful for that and I'm proud that I'm giving the same teachings to my kids because I don't want anyone to think that money is the only reason why they got everything they have. Money may be a factor but a lot of hard work goes in to make that money they earn. Money doesn't grow on trees cause if it did I would have a whole Amazon of them.

I went up to my room and wiped off my makeup then started a bath. I need to relax and de stress even more while I have the chance and the night to do so. I went into the tub and laid my head back on the wall of the tub. I closed my eyes and stayed quiet. The quietness and calmness of the house relaxed my mind and body and brought me into a wonderful mindset that was better from my mindset at the office. 

It felt like hours when I finally got out of the bath. Wrapping the towel around me I went to my sink and did my full nighttime routine that included skincare, mouth care, and haircare. After all was finished I made my way to my bed and put on my robe then climbed into bed. My soft warm bed hugged me with comforting arms which caused my to get extremely tired. Before I knew it I feel asleep and slept the night away  

•••••••••

Whatttt she updated? I think this is a dream, sike it isn't. I hope you liked it. Im sorry for the long wait I was going to update during the summer but I was busy enjoying my break and I had a huge writers block. I'll try from now on to update but no promises. I'm doing a Certified Nursing Assistant class this year so my weekends are booked by my hospital training and I have a lot of graduation requirements to finish and school work on top of that so I don't have that much time to sit down and think and write. I'm pretty sure my reading teacher will love to give me more essays. Yay! Not. 

                                         Your Sexy Author,

                                                OmgItsSparkles