Need You

Pain

I was awoken by the ring of my doorbell. It was 9 am on Saturday. Who in the world would be waking me up in my off day at 9 am in the morning. This better be an emergency or I'm fighting someone. I got up out of bed and walked downstairs to my front door. I opened it and to my surprise Xavier and my children were there. He said he was bringing them back on Sunday night but why are they here now? It's not that I'm happy to see my kids it's just shocking that he's bringing them back early.

"Sorry to interrupt your sleep but I need to bring them back early due to some work related problems," he said as his eyes looked at me up and down. I nodded slowly but in reality I wanted to poke his eyes out with my nails. "I'm sure that's more important at the moment", I said as I took the bag from him and brought my kids inside. I then went back to the door and thanked him then closed the door.

Why was he staring at me? I looked down at my self then my jaw dropped. I was wearing one of my shortest shorts with only a white tank top. Oh my god. He did not just see me like this. I covered my face and breathed. Stupid self. Why are you giving him this type of view and enjoyment?

"Mommy what's wrong?"asked Issac who was looking at me concerned. I uncovered my face and looked at his concerned face. "Nothing baby. Mommy is just tired", I reassured him. He nodded but I knew he didn't believe me.

Issac is like the boyfriend you would never have. He's so over protective over me and his sister. He refuses to let anyone talk to us or touch us without him yelling at them. He's also very considerate of others' emotions and feelings. He makes your mood go from being not so good to amazing. Completely the opposite from his dad. I'm happy and grateful for him. Whoever is going to marry this boy is going to be one lucky girl.

The twins started telling me about their Friday with their dad while I started making breakfast.

"We went to the park and played for a longgg time"

"We got ice cream"

"Then he took us to this place and the food was yummy"

I listened to them as I cooked their breakfast. It seems as if they had a really great time and enjoyed their father's presence. That's good I guess.

I finished cooking and gave them their food and we all ate with some discussion in between. To be honest I was not even paying attention to what they were saying. I feel sick. Physically...no....mentally...maybe. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I picked up the plates and cleaned up as the twins went to the playroom and played with each other. I stared at the dishes. I miss something. Or someone. But what is it? I miss the warm. The comfort. The kisses. The love. I miss having someone there who loves me and cares for me. I'm a single mother. All alone.

A phone call broke my thoughts. I looked down at my caller id and it was my mom. I put her on speaker as I continued washing the dishes. "Hey mom", I said as I answered.

"Hey baby. How are you and the kids?"

"We're good. How's you and dad?"

"We're good as well. Traveling and working you know the regular stuff."

"Oh lucky you"

She laughed. "Hey no one said for you to open a business."

I shook my head. My mom is my biggest supporter for anything I do. "Well what can I say. It runs in the genes."

"Yea yea. So you free Tuesday? I wanna have lunch with you and your sister"

I thought about it for a little. "I think I'm free. You missed meeee!" I loved teasing my mom about how she kisses the loudness of the house. My siblings and I would drive her crazy but she still loved us.

"Nah I just wanted to eat some food that my daughters will pay for and to listen to all of your sad problems that I don't have to deal with,'' she replied.

"Wowwwwww. Fine then I'm not free on Tuesday"

"You don't have a choice. I'll send you the info!,"she said then she hung up.

I shook my head. This is my mother. A very sassy but loving person. I guess she took my Tuesday up with this weird lunch date. I dried my hands and played with my kids.

Around lunchtime I felt like I needed to get out of the house. The atmosphere felt weird as if someone was trying to suffocate me. "Guys get your shoes on we're going somewhere to eat!"I yelled from the bottom of the stairs. Hopefully no one bugs me as I have this little lunch outing.

I heard the fast footsteps of my kids and I looked at them and not surprisingly they were chasing each other downstairs. I don't know how many times I've said not to run down the stairs because someone is about to fall down them and I'm not trying to deal with child protective services. I helped them into the car and drove to a restaurant called Maria's.

My parents always used to bring me here. This is actually where I met Xavier. It was a weird day that resulted in us having an unexpected dinner date.

I sat at an empty booth and typed away at my laptop. I had an essay due at midnight and my teacher was going to be very strict about late work. I never liked him anyways. Always making us type about random stuff that will end up us spending half our time researching the topic and getting lazy on the essay. At this moment I was rambling and not making sense in my essay but who cares anymore.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was a guy probably in his mid forties, soiled clothing, and an unclean look to him. He was probably a man who was homeless. "Yes?", I asked him. "Can I have a dollar to buy some food?", he asked me. I got my bag and looked for some change and only found five dollars which I handed to him.

He thanked me and walked away. As I watched him walk away I spotted a boy looking at me as some girl I think he was on a date with her talking to him. He clearly wasn't paying attention to her. He was paying attention to me. I looked away quickly and looked back at my computer. Focus Ashlynn. No need to get distracted.

—

I felt his stare as I kept typing. How can you go on a date with someone and stare at another girl in front of your date? Men these days. Time passed then I heard someone sit in the booth. I looked up and saw the boy from earlier.

I stayed quiet and looked back at my computer trying to wrap this essay up.

"Let me read it,'' said this mysterious boy.

I ignored him and continued thinking. Suddenly my computer was in his hands. "Excuse me?", I said. He stayed quiet as he read my essay. I looked down at my hands and waited. After a little bit he gave me back my computer and in a different colored words he wrote comments. I read them then looked at him.

"Thank you..."

He smiled a little. "You're welcome".

He had broad shoulders, black hair that looked soft, a sharp jawline, big pink lips, and dark eyes that could lure you into it's darkness.

He noticed me staring. "Take a picture it'll last longer"

The typical man statement. "Get over yourself and lower your ego a bunch of levels because it's too high up"

He laughed and shook his head.

We spent the night talking and he helped me write my essay. The time passed slowly and we enjoyed every second of it.

—

That's how I met him. The him I would spend years being with. The him I miss. The him I wish didn't break my heart everytime I see him. Him.

I didn't realize I was crying till Ivy wiped my cheek. I looked at her and she was concerned. I wiped my cheeks and breathe. I don't know why I feel this. I shouldn't feel this. This feeling. The hurt. The pain. Why? I couldn't get him out of my head. Before the test I was able to hold all these emotions back. This pain was hidden.

It hurts....