Need You

Hidden Feelings

QOTD: Who is your inspiration?

I woke up feeling nauseous and had a really big headache. My head felt like it was swollen and as if someone was trying to crack into it. I groaned and rubbed my temples. I need some painkillers as soon as possible because I am not going to endure this headache for a long period of time. I slowly opened my eyes and sat up. I looked out the window and it was still dark outside then I looked at the time and it read 6:30. I'm not usually up at this time so it's strange to be up when the sun hasn't risen.

I looked down at Xavier who was peacefully sleeping. His hair was messed up and was covering some part of his eyelids. His face was relaxed and looked a tad bit tired. I watched him since there was nothing to do and I couldn't get out of bed because he had his arm wrapped around my waist.

Sometimes I wonder how life would've been if he didn't divorce me. How my pregnancy would've been easier and I would've had the support I needed the most. Maybe when I was in labor I could've tortured him inside of torturing my parents and siblings. My brothers took turns holding my hand and comforting me but at the end of the day they knew it wasn't there place to be there. They knew he was supposed to be in their spot. He was supposed to be comforting me and helping me through the entire process. It was supposed to be a moment for him and I.

Now we're in the middle of a hospital room saddened by my recent diagnosis. I've never been hospitalized since my pregnancy and when I was everything was easily treated but now I'm a candle that's burning and eventually it's gonna die by one blow. I looked down at my hair. My long brown locks were going to fall out and I'll be left bald and looking like Mr. Clean. Probably my eyebrows will fall out and I'll look like Jeffree Star. I sighed. I loved how I looked and I didn't want anything to change about my appearance. I don't know how the people around me will be affected and react to the changes I'll undergo. Who knows if I'll even survive this? Who's gonna take care of my children when I pass? Who will take care of Xavier? This isn't how I'm supposed to die.

I laid back and looked up at the ceiling. Why am I thinking about this? I don't even know my full diagnosis. I'm just scared. Actually I'm terrified. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't want to endure anything that I have to go through. This isn't fair and I shouldn't be having to go through this.

I felt movement next to me and I see Xavier slowly waking up. I looked away and looked at the wall. I didn't want him seeing me looking at him. It'll make him cocky. He didn't see anything so he probably went back to sleep. Suddenly I felt his arms both wrap around me. "Good morning", he whispered in my ear. Goosebumps formed on my skin. He knows that gets me feeling a different type of feeling. "Morning...", I said quietly. I didn't look back at him. I didn't want to face him. I knew both of us were in deep pain and anything wrong can trigger emotions.

I felt his breath on my neck as he laid his head on my shoulder. No one said anything. The silence took over and silenced us. I could tell he wanted to say something but he didn't know what to say. Eventually it said something. "Why are you quiet?", he asked in a quiet tone. I don't know how to answer that question. What do I even say? I shrugged wishing he was gonna stop talking to me and leave me alone until I feel like talking to him.

He started to stare at me and it started to make me feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? Why? I feel guilty. I brought him into my life and now it's not going how we planned it. I don't want to bring him into this. I don't want him to feel my pain. I don't want him to hurt when I die. I want him to be happy and have a good mindset so he can properly take care of my children when I pass. I should let him go for the sake of his physical health and mental health.

Unknown POV:

My plan is working. Haven't took my hints little girl. You don't understand what is coming for you. You are going to go through the pain I went through. You think you're a little innocent person who hasn't done anything in your life, soon I'll expose who you really are. The side of you that you try to hide but people who were there when the incident happened know what happened and who you truly are.

Step by step I'll ruin your life. Ruin it like you ruined mine. Be cautious of who is around you. You don't know who I'm sending to spy on you. You don't know the plan I've planned and the amount of stress and pain you're going to go through. I'm going to make you pay. Pay for what you did to me. You're going to regret everything you've done to me. Just wait.

Xaviers POV:

She seems like she doesn't want to talk to me. Why? I don't know. I didn't do anything to her. I saved her life and made her aware of something that was going to kill her even through there was a treatment for it. She's avoided eye contact. I let her be. I don't want to do something that'll trigger her emotions. She's going through a lot.

"I'm going to get us some actual breakfast", I said as I got out of the bed. She didn't say anything as I put on my shoes. I sighed. I grabbed my keys and left. I exited the hospital to be greeted by cameras. My life isn't a reality tv show where you can profit off of my life and my drama. I looked around and searched for a quick way out. Finding no easy way out, I pushed through the crowd of bodies that were asking many questions and flashing their bright camera lights in my face. Honestly why are you busy photographing me? There are many people who are higher in the list that'll make you more profit like I don't know Kim Kardahian? I'm sure she has some interesting drama in her family.

I finally got my car. It felt like hours to reach my car that was in the first lane of the parking lot. I got in and quickly drove away.