Neon Afterlife

11

Inside the Pendulum, Alex watched as dancers swayed to the hot Latin rhythms. Sitting at a small table near the bar, she wondered what she was doing there. None of this was what she expected. She really thought she was going to just walk in and get a spot in the academy? So, stupid. The music washed over her, but she took no joy in its company. Emotions roiled inside her. Fear. Desperation. Failure. She should have stayed in Hot Springs. Everything here was so different. Including the boys, she thought as Jason strolled in.

She watched him as he looked around, scanning. He really was too good to be true. Single, funny, handsome, and he seemed to care about her. After one day? One really great day, given. But, one day? It was all so surreal. It couldn't be genuine. He was using her, he had to be. He spotted her and made his way to the table. Pulling up a chair opposite Alex, he plopped down and smiled. She looked him up and down in return. No bag.

"Been here long?" he asked.

"I had some things to take care of this afternoon."

"Like?"

Did he really want to know she spent all afternoon getting a bank account, apartment and looking for a job? She shook her head.

"Do you have my bag?"

He nodded, "In my car."

He stood and gently took her hands. "Let's dance."

She shook her head again. She was craving that feeling of last night. She wanted nothing more than to feel connected to someone again and she knew that was a problem. She had to focus on surviving now. Fun and games were over.

"Come on," he pled.

"I'm not in the mood."

"How can you not be in the mood for this?" He stepped back and gestured to his body as he salsa-ed. His hips swayed in time with the music in a corny, over-exaggerated way.

Alex lightly chuckled in spite of herself and Jason tried to pull her to her feet again, but she resisted.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing."

He sat back down and stared deep into her eyes, "What's wrong?"

"I tried to get the Director to let me audition for the school. He said there was no way."

"Why not?"

"He said he couldn't get the whole committee together to watch me," she was getting choked up. "Can we just go get my stuff?"

"Really?"

She nodded and he slumped, defeated.

"Sure." He stood and motioned for Alex to follow him out. They walked to a nearby alley where Jason has parked his car. He strolled over to the driver's side and pulled out his keys. Alex made her way to the passenger side and looked at him expectantly. He didn't unlock the car.

"Why's this bag so important to you?" he asked.

"Open the door."

"It's just stuff."

"It's all I have," she responded.

"There's gotta be more to it than that."

"Let me have it." She circled the car to try and snatch the keys from him. He retreated around to the other side.

"Tell me the truth and I'll get it for you," he said, pointing through the window at the bag.

"It's none of your business." She started circling the car again.

"Tell me," he taunted, evading her again. "I told you my deepest, darkest secrets. It's only fair."

"Why are you torturing me?" She cried, giving up both physically and mentally. These past two days had taken a toll on her and she was exhausted. "What did I ever do to you?"

He paused, "Did you ever wonder what was missing? Like, you had this sense that there was supposed to be more, but you couldn't figure out what it was. How do you move through the world like that? Misunderstood. Misinterpreted. Misjudged."

She stood there just staring at him; frozen in time. She didn't know what to say, because she did know. She'd lived it for years, but that's why she left.

He continued, "Then one day you're shot through, like electricity, pulse racing; blood burning through your veins. Or your heart stops, seizes when you see her profile, soft focus - flawless. You hear her laugh cutting through the cacophony of the world. The sparkle in her eyes mesmerizes you, like stars on a clear night; you lose yourself in their depth. And you realize, it's not what was missing... it was who."

They looked at each other in silence. The sounds of light traffic nearby and city life muted. The eyes of strangers passed them by under the hazy illumination of street lights.

Alex finally broke the trance. "You're good," she sighed. "Like a puppy."

"Harsh," he play-acted like he'd been stabbed in the heart. "But I'm serious."

"You don't even know me."

"I'm trying to," he said. "But you won't let me."

"When I left home, I took everything that meant anything to me and I put it in my bag," she said. "That bag." She pointed into the car.

Jason unlocked his door and grabbed the bag. "Like what?" He asked, holding the bag aloft and out of her reach. She met his eyes with a cold stare, not playing anymore.

"My mother is in there, okay?" she snapped. "Now let me have it."

Shock mixed with shame as Jason lowered the bag into Alex's hands, "I didn't..."

"It's her ashes," Alex continued as she cradled the backpack. "Well, some of them. I wanted to bring her here, to her home."

Jason climbed into the car, reached over and opened the passenger door.

"Get in," he said.

"Why?"

"Please?" He looked at her. "Trust me."

"Not tonight," she said. "I really need some time to think." She started off down the street.

"You can't keep leaving me like this," Jason called after her.

She looked back over her shoulder and held up her cell phone, "I've got your number."

***