HEART ACHE <3 REDDIE

chap 5: disgusting

Richie

I wasn't drunk. I wasn't drunk yet. I was woozy, and tired and changing into my pajamas just made me break into a sweat.

As I pulled on my pajamas pants, which hung dangerously low, Eddie stumbled in, already kicking his shoes off and laying down.

He looked adorable. His face was red and his eyes were sleepy, his hair was messy and his lips looked extra pink. I could've kissed him, but I quickly panicked and pushed that thought away. Drunk thoughts. Only drunk thoughts.

"Eddie you're still in jeans." I pointed out as he snuggled up to my pillow and looked at me with his brown, tired eyes.

"Can't get them off. Take them off for me, Chie."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat. My face grew warm but thank god Eddie was drunk and didn't notice.

I swallowed sharply and tugged at the waist of his jeans swiftly, tossing them to my floor.

"Shirt." Eddie hummed, putting his arms in the air. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off to show his pale, hairless chest. I could feel myself growing hard.

God no. Not in front of Eddie. Please don't notice. God I'm sick.

"Night Eds." I mumbled, trying to race out of the room but Eddie grabbed my wrist.

"Aren't you gonna kiss me, Richie?" He pouted, a small smile on his face as he stared up at me.

I could do it. I could kiss him right now. No! I'm drunk. Stop!

"I'm sorry, Eddie. I can't." I shook my head, trying to avoid him from seeing my boner.

"It's okay. Just lay with me, Chie." He asked. I considered it. I couldn't.

"I can't-"

"Please."

I swallowed and sighed, folding up my glasses and climbing into bed next to him, our backs pressed together.

"Richie?" he said into the dark after a few moments of silence. I was trying to situate my dick so it wasn't bothering me.

"Hm?"

It stayed quiet for another few seconds. I finally looked over my shoulder to see he had fallen fast asleep already. I slowly climbed out of bed and crept past Stan's door, where I could see him reading in bed.

"You okay?" He asked as I stopped in the hall. I cupped my hands over my dick, the last thing I needed was for him to see my erection.

"Just gotta use the bathroom real quick." I answered, growing impatient. I

Damnit Stan, I have the worlds biggest hard on right now and you are seriously killing me.

"Fine. If you jack off with my towel I'm going to be pissed." he said chalantly, turning his attention back to his book. I blushed and chewed on my bottom lip.

"Yeah, got it." And I scurried off to the bathroom.

I was quiet, holding onto the towel rack as I attempted to not moan out Eddie's name. I had done this before, and each time I felt more and more dirty. I was sick. I was a flamer. All those years of slurs about me were right.

I stopped. Halfway through. It hurt to but I did. I felt sick to my stomach. I let myself catch my breath before pulling my pajamas back up and standing. God it hurt so bad.

I walked to the sink, gripping the edges of it tightly as I stared at myself in the mirror.

You're an adult. You have an apartment and a job and here you are beating off to a boy. Your best friend. God you're disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Dis-

"Richie?" Eddie's voice broke my thoughts. I realized what I was doing and spun toward the door, taking in a deep breath before opening it.

Eddie had the blanket wrapped around him, tired looking, hair messy, his cheeks red.

"You left." he huffed.

"Sorry. Had to piss. I'm gonna take up the couch tonight, Spaghetti." I pushed past him toward the living room. I felt Stan watching me as I walked past his room again.

"But-"

"Eddie. I'm sleeping on the couch." I snapped. I wasn't angry with him. I was angry with myself. I had to keep myself away from him. Away from all boys.

"Oh.. okay." He nodded. He seemed shocked at me snapping, but nodded and retreated back to my room.

With a huff I curled up, shutting my eyes.

"You didn't have to be so harsh." Stan's voice made me jump a bit.

"Mind your business, Stanny boy." I only half-joked, squinting at him through the dark but it did no use because I didn't have my glasses.

"I couldn't help but eavesdrop. You have a very loud mouth." His voice sounded bored, tired.

"Goodnight Staniel." I ignored him, turning my back to him.

"There's something on your mind. The way you were drinking and the way you snapped at Eddie. You've got a guilty conscious." He droned on. This made me sit up. I stared in the direction of his voice, feeling anger bubble back up in me.

"Mind your business." I barked. I heard him let out a breathy laugh.

"Let me know when you're ready to come clean." and with that his footsteps disappeared down the hall, leaving me back alone in the dark.