chap 35: don't cry

537 11 31
                                    

Richie

"You're in an oddly good mood." Stan eyed me up and down. I was in a good mood. That morning Eddie had graced me with his presence, and his mouth.

"Let's just say I got the best blowjob this morning." I stretched back on the sofa, sighing and puffing up my chest. A grin cracked over Stan's face while he waited on his coffee to brew.

"From Eddie?"

I choked on my own air.

"Did he tell you?" I leaned forward, lowering my voice like anyone else was there.

"You think it's not obvious?" He raised an eyebrow, giggling. I leaned back and folded my arms, propping my feet up on the coffee table.

"Yeah well let's hope its not so obvious to people outside of our group." I mumbled. He furrowed his eyebrows and made his way over to the sofa, pushing my feet off the table and setting a coaster under my pineapple juice.

"What do you mean?" He sat next to me, folding his hands in his lap neatly. Talking to him felt like talking to a therapist or the mayor of a town.

"Stan, you know how we will get treated if people know we're... ya know."

"Gay?" He finished off. That word still sucked the air out of my lungs.

"Yeah. Gay," I sighed, "Remember when we were in 3rd grade and that man came out and we walked through town after school one day and people where spitting on him?" I reminded him. The mans name had been Mr. Maniser but everyone had started calling him Mr. Mankisser.

Stan nodded, as if finally understanding something and took a sip of his coffee.

"I just don't want that for me. I don't want that for Eddie."

We were in the middle of an aids epidemic. People were getting aids all over the place and thinking of the fact that people would definitely swear Eddie and I were ill if we came out made my stomach turn. Hell, Eddie's mom would probably admit him to a fucking hospital somewhere.

"Don't worry. It'll stay within the friend group." Stan tried to reassure but I snapped my head toward him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Friend group? Who else knows?"

Stan immediately caught what he had said and stared at me with wide eyes.

"Eddie mentioned something about it...to everyone." Stan muttered. I felt something boil up in me. The same type of anger I felt when Henry Bowers had screamed at me at the arcade. When Connor Bowers had traded me up.

"So everyone knows im gay?" I practically shrieked, standing up. Stan looked scared and weary.

"It's just our friends, Rich."

"It doesn't matter! That's supposed to be my choice!"

"Richie I really don't think-"

There was a knocking at the door. I stopped and turned toward it, my expression deadpanned. Stan glanced at me then the door. He was scared to open it. I knew he was because I knew who was on the other side and so did he.

Stan hesitantly got up from the sofa and before he even opened the door all the way a giggling, smiling eddie walked in. God I wanted to have anger toward him but it was so hard.

"Hey chee-" I pushed past him, shoulder checking him on the way out.

"Rich?" he called after me but I was already down the hall, jogging down the empty stairs. I heard the pitter patter of his feet behind me after I got to the second landing. A small hand gripped my shoulder and I pushed it off, spinning around.

"Richie, what's wrong?" He was panting. Normally I would've reached into my pocket for his spare inhaler.

"You told my business to everyone." I kept my voice low in case anyone else was on the stairway.

"What?" He was a few steps higher than me but not too far for me to have to squint to see him.

"You told all our friends i'm gay." I hissed. Realization seemed to hit him.

"I didn't think you would care..." his voice was timid and small.

"Well I do. That's supposed to be my choice. I get to say who knows and when and how. That's supposed to be my thing. And you took that away from me." I growled.

His face started to turn a bright shade of pink like it did when he was about to cry or yell and at this point it could've been either. I wouldn't have been surprised at either of them.

"Its just our friends! You act like they didn't already know for years! You're the one who got into with Bowers at the arcade! Not me! Thats not my fault!" he snapped. I felt myself choke up and his face fell. He realized what he had said and took a step forward, sorrys spilling out of his mouth.

"Im sorry, Chee. I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry-"

"Please just... stay the fuck away from me." I stepped back. His mouth hung open and his eyes watered. I felt my own tears swell up in my throat. Before I could see tears spill down his face he let out a whimper and spun on his heel, sprinting upstairs.

The second he was out of eyesight I sighed, rubbing my temples to keep myself from breaking into sobs. My bottom lip quivered and I spun on my heel.

My heart jumped to see a familiar face on the landing, a shocked expression across his face.

"Holy fuck." I said under my breath.

"Uh. Hey, arcade boy. " Connor Bowers smiled awkwardly.

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