Writers block

Wrong?

Words can't express how I felt..
It was like being happy and excited all at once.
To know that it was still new and could last forever, is why I kept it a secret.

First, it all hits home now because I shared.
It. hurts. me.
To feel accepted was what I wanted. To be listened to and heard is what I needed; to not feel scared anymore is what I wanted to feel forever ..
There are a lot of other people in this world like me who would feel the same.

I sometimes feel wrong about who I see in the mirror. To imagine a perfect life and happiness is child's play.
To see what the world is now vs. then is reality. how we are shamed for who we chose to be and who we want to be with is just "shameful" for some of us to still have to hide how we feel because it's what society wants. It's funny how they can accept us as humans. For our families to be happy and for them to see their child as "perfect". For our friends who won't look at you as the weird one and see you as "normal".

To be bisexual and to feel "wrong" in my own skin is how I see it..
They don't teach you this in grade school; how to see yourself and to express it.
Most call it a phase. Some say it's a choice. Few people know it at birth: it's going to be a long life struggle to be "perfect", "normal", "accepted".

Thankfully my mother accepts me for my sexuality. A few of my friends understand who I am. The majority of my family would never accept me or appreciate me if I was to come out. Some of my friends won't hear me when I'm screaming, crying, begging for you to listen or understand.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm wrong; to feel ready to come out to some lately .. I just assume everyone knows. Sometimes, I just assume others see my point of view.

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror and questioned yourself? Questioned who you are or even what you are? What you want? What you feel? Wondering if your next move is the right one? Or to have doubt in yourself because it may be the wrong choice to make?

I opened up to you on how I felt about you how when I said "I love you" I meant it. I admit, being around you was the best feeling I've ever felt. I didn't have to worry what others thought of me because you were with me. Holding your hand felt so warm to me. Laying next to you was like being on clouds, but you looked at all of this differently ..

Saying that plans that were spoken between us were just jokes .. because you fell in love with someone else, someone who can give more than me.
Saying you never meant to hurt me, though I had already distanced myself from you to not hurt anymore ..
I hid away from my feelings because I knew in reality that you wouldn't see me like that; that what I was feeling couldn't be real because I know now that our feelings aren't mutual.

Wrong is how I feel now. Ashamed is how I've felt for months now. A joke is what I felt today.
I didn't look at myself in the mirror today because I didn't want to ask myself who I am, what I'm doing, or how I feel because I don't want to relive that moment anymore: I don't want to be ashamed with myself and feel like I was wrong coming out to express how I feel towards you. I wouldn't have done half the things with you, for you, or said things to you if I never meant any of it..
I may feel like I'm wrong, but I know I'm right.