Wrong

•23•

⚠ Self hatred, eating disorders (includes vomiting), panic attack, brief mention of self harm ⚠

*Stan's POV*

I woke up on the couch, seeing Bill asleep next to me. My back is super stiff, but I had more important things to worry about. Like the fact that I'm about to throw up.

I climb out of the blankets and quickly rush into the bathroom. Bending over the toilet, I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead.

And then I'm throwing up, the horrible sound filling the quiet house. Tears prick the backs of my eyes and I try to push them away. Bill can't know why I'm sick...

"Honey? Are you in here?" Bill asks, knocking on the door.

"Y-yeah... I'm just a little nauseo-" I was cut off by another urge to puke. I turned back to toilet and threw up again.

"A little nauseous." I finished, wiping my mouth on a piece of toilet paper.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Bill said and stated rubbing my back. "Do you know why?"

I looked down embarrassed.

"Nope, no idea!" I answered quickly. Too quickly for Bill.

"Stan...what's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm ok Bill, I promise." I flashed him a smile before puking again.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on Stan," Bill said and I felt guilty again. "I'm not going to judge you or anything."

"I'm fine Bill," I stated, my voice sharper than I meant it to be. "Just leave me alone."

"I don't want to make you feel bad, but I don't exactly trust you to be alone in a bathroom right now. If you know what I mean."

He thinks I'm going to cut myself again.

He's probably right.

"Stan, just tell me what's going on? Please?"

"I had pizza last night." I muttered.

"And?"

"And uh... I haven't eaten much in a couple weeks." I mumbled.

"When was the last time you had an actual meal before that?"

"I don't know...nowadays, I just have one serving of food a day."

"Stan..." Bill gasped quietly. I could hear the disappointment in his voice and another wave of sickness came over me.

I puked again, and Bill rubbed my back.

"Why?"

"I-... I don't want to tell you..." I muttered under my breath.

"That's ok Stan, you're going to be ok." Bill hugged me and walked out of room. He came back a minute later with a glass of water and a couple saltines.

I took the glass, quickly drinking it all.

"Here, you need to eat these too." Bill said and handed me the crackers. I looked at them uneasily and gave them back to him.

"No thank you." I said standing up and flushing the toilet. I brushed my teeth and quickly walked out of the bathroom.

"Stan, you need to eat." Bill said softly, following me towards our bedroom.

"I'm not hungry," I lied. "Besides, I'm tired and I just want to go to bed right now."

"Stan, you have two choices right now. Eat the damn crackers and go to sleep after or I'm bringing you to the hospital. It's up to you."

My eyes darted back and forth between the saltines and Bill. Sighing, I eventually picked up the cracker and started eating it slowly.

"Thanks sweetie," he said as I finished it. "I know how hard that was, I'm proud of you."

Bill sat down next to me and I felt like I was going to cry. He shouldn't be proud that I did the bare minimum.

I fucking hate myself.

*Eddie's POV*

I woke up to the sound of puking. I was already expecting it, Stan obviously didn't want to eat last night. I knew he was going to throw up by eating so much if he hasn't been having enough food.

I'd dealt with this dozens of times before. Dan starves me, I finally get to eat a couple days later, but I eat too fast, so I throw up. It's a routine I got used to.

I decided to let Stan and Bill work it out alone. I'm already invading their lives as it is, I don't want to barge in on a moment like that. So I just turned over in my bed and grabbed a book Stan lent me.

But I couldn't focus on the words. I was too busy thinking about yesterday. Richie and I are dating...WE'RE DATING! This is honestly the best thing that's happened to me in a while.

I'm feeling guilty though, like I'm cheating on Dan. He would be so mad, and part of me knows that I deserve whatever I'll get when he finds me. IF he finds me.

I tried to ignore it for now, and just think about Richie. He was so...amazing yesterday. He completely respected that I needed time, and I think he knows my boundaries. I love him so much...

Not that I'm going to tell him that anytime soon! Because I feel weird...I keep thinking about Dan. I'm not supposed to love anyone besides him. Dan still loves me, and I just left him without a warning, or even a note.

Dan loves me. He loves me, and I love him. I can't believe I left him. He's going to hurt me because of it.

My breathing started to pick up, and I felt myself start to go into a panic attack. I tried to quiet myself so Bill and Stan didn't hear me. They have enough to deal with right now.

I climbed out of the bed and wedged myself in the corner of the room. I started sobbing silently and I could hear Bill and Stan calling my name, but I didn't answer.

Bill walked away and I could hear him on the phone with Richie. Great...

Stan knocked on the door again, begging me to open it, but my legs felt like jelly and I couldn't stand.

My vision went blurry and I kept shaking and crying. I knew Richie was going to be here soon, and I hated that. I hate that he's going to see me like this.

He's probably going to hurt me...

No, he's definitely going to hurt me.