Wrong

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⚠ Suicidal thoughts, self blame, mention of abuse, talk about      cutting and eating disorders ⚠

Dear Richie,                                   Nov. 22

My new therapist told me to write in a journal about what happened to us. So this is my first entry I guess.

The doctors said I needed a therapist to help me cope with everything. She's really nice, and she smells like cookies. Her name's Lauren.

I keep remembering that day differently. Sometimes Bev comes in before Dan fires the gun. And she knocks him unconscious. Then you run to me and untie me and hug me and tell me everything's alright.

But sometimes Bev never comes. And you die, and then Dan makes me have sex with him. I don't like that version.

The ride in the ambulance always stays the same. The doctors are asking me about Dan, and my leg, but all I can think about is you. And then I get to the hospital, and they give me anesthesia.

I wake up, and you're not in the room. Everyone else is, but not you. And then the Losers try and tell me what happened, but I won't listen.

"There was only a 5% chance he was gonna live, Eddie..." They'll say as I'm sobbing into their shoulders.

But that was the first day. I was in shock, and I didn't understand anything.

Now I won't accept it. I've just refused to. That's why Lauren wants me to write in the journal. To help me "cope with the loss"

But there isn't any loss. There just isn't.

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Dear Richie,                                   Nov. 23

There's a song I heard today, it reminded me of this situation, and just of you in general.

"Dear God,
Hope you got the letter and..."

That's Lauren, telling me to write the journal entries.

"I pray you can make it better down here"

You would make everything better if you were here.

"I don't mean to make a reduction in the price of beer"

I made you stop drinking.

"But all the people that you made in your image
See them starving on their feet
'Cause they don't get enough to eat"

You've been away almost a week, and I've barely eaten. I know that would make you sad, and I'm sorry...but it's not like you can yell at me.

"We all need a big reduction
In the amount of tears"

I can't stop crying. The doctors said I almost got dehydrated, and I would've needed an IV. But I'm used to them, my mom made me get a ton of IVs when I was younger. But you already knew that. I told you everything back then.

"And all the people that you made in your image
See them fighting in the street"

I told you everything back then, but I don't anymore. And if I had just told you about Dan when the fighting first started, none of this would've happened. I'm sorry Richie.

Love,
Eddie

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Dear Richie,                                   Nov. 30