"His Only Princess"

Prologue

“Wake up princess; you’ve got another day to live. Wake up princess; you’ve got another day to live.”

That was his voice, waking me up everyday. Only it’s not his actual voice anymore. He had put a built-in speaker inside my room so that he’s no longer required to rush himself in to wake me up every morning. How lazy of him! And yes, all I’m hearing now was just a recording of my beloved voice of his.

Waking up because I’ve got another day to live was like a joke to me. But today is no ordinary day.

It’s been one year. One year since that horrifying day. One year since that horrible day. One year since that unforgettable day.

One year since he left me.

For me.

And today, today is my..

I breathe in and out, trying to calm every part of me. I know I’m close to breaking down. Again.

I got up. Decided to do my morning routines and eat some cereals for breakfast. I live alone if you’re wondering. Alone since that day. Since this exact day.

I’m done eating when my phone rang.

I quickly answered it knowing it’s them. My so-called protectors. They were there for me since he introduced this life to me. They’re his buddies. His brothers by heart. And now that he’s gone, they are the ones protecting me. I guess.

“I want to be all alone today. Period. Nobody gets to ask why.” I told them as quick as I can manage. There’s no “hello” greeting for me. Not used to it.

“Good morning to you too princess.” A voice I knew the most from the rest of them spoke. Jordan or JD was his bestfriend and so was mine.

“Just grant me this one JD.” A desperate voice came out of my mouth. “I swear to do nothing stupid or cause myself trouble. Just please let me be alone today.” I pleaded.

I heard a heavy sigh on the other line. “Okay.” He said and I heard voices rising against him. But he shushed them down. And the words I’m hearing slowly kill my living soul. “But you gotta stop crying today princess and please be happy ‘cause it’s your.. birthday.”

Ouch. That hurt. That fucking hurt so much! Why does he have to remind me? Ughh!

Yes! It’s my birthday.

It’s my 19th birthday.

And it’s his 1st death anniversary.

How am I supposed to be happy with that?!

I forced myself to speak. “Will do. Take care guys.”

I was about to hang up when JD spoke again. “Promise us you’ll gonna have fun this day.”

I sighed. “Promise.” Then I remembered something. “And JD, no tagging.” I hanged up.

I went to the store near my house to buy me some company. Liquors. I know if he can poke me now, he did it thousand times already. As if to remind me it’s alcohol, not water. I also bought a cake. A birthday without it is not a birthday.

I gathered all the things I needed and put it inside the car. The car. Another reminder of him. “Just breathe. You’ll gonna get through this.” I told myself.

By 3 P.M., I reached my destination. I’m here at St. Clair Cemetery, the place where he peacefully rest.

I grab the cake and drinks and got out of the car. Deep breathes. I was gathering all the courage I could use when I find myself walking step by step towards his grave.

After several minutes, here I am, facing his tombstone like a non-living thing. I sat down, get the Jack Daniels I bought from the store, opened it and drink as much as I can. I never said a single word yet. I want to speak to him but he’s not going to talk back to me anymore and that hurts like hell.

I can feel my eyes burning, the liquid blurring my vision. And finally, I found my voice.

“Are you happy there? Well, I am not here.” Tears roll down my face. “They expect me to move on, to forget you, to forget that day. But how could I ever do that? Huh? How could I? How could I if that day, this day was the day you died for me!” I was sobbing real hard now.

I’ve got high tolerance for alcohol and I seldom hate it because it was supposed to help me feel numb but it feels like it worsens the pain. “They want me to be happy today. The fuck I will!” I stood up but suddenly fell down on my knees, “Why did you leave me? Of course! How silly of me to ask! It was because of me. You died because of me!”

I’m certain I’m gonna explode any time now. “You know what? I’m tired of crying. I fucking do it everyday for one year! I am very tired of everything. I’m tired of the hurt I’m feeling every second of the day. Can you make it stop? If you can, please do. Please make it stop. Please.” I was surprised by the words I just said. Never did I try to let out these words. But I guess I can’t suppressed this feelings anymore.

“Yeah, that’s true. I’m damn tired! I feel like I’m useless, worthless!” I hissed.

I calm myself, cried silently and continued, “God knows how much I wanted to forget all of this. But you know I can’t. They know I can’t. Everyone knows I can’t. I know I can’t. Why?” I can feel my heart splitting apart. “Because I can’t let go of you. I love you so damn much to just let go. And it hurts me everyday knowing that you will never let go of me too. I’m your only princess right?” I smiled bitterly. “Where’s my prince now?”

The pain is killing me. Making me beg for death. I can’t deal with it anymore. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Voicing out what’s on my mind. “I’m forgetting everything just for today MP. They want me to have some fun, and then I will. Please allow me. I know you’ll understand. Let me pretend I’m not me for today.”

I dried my tears. “Please let me celebrate my nineteenth birthday in a normal teenage way.”

And with that I took off, knowing exactly where I am going.

I can still feel my tears but I smirked and whispered to myself, “Lez get you wasted birthday girl.”