I'm Kind of Sirius (Sirius Black fan fiction)

Chapter 7 : The bold and the brave

"The December air is not light nor calm. My hair blows all over the place as I trudge through the snow. Some muggle children play and have snowball fights with each other not far away from me. I ignore it all and trudge past them, mind set on getting to my destination.

I like kids. I've always wanted my own. But azkaban ruined my look on things like that. All I wanted in life was to get out and get revenge. I didn't want to have kids, I didn't want to start a family, I just wanted revenge on Peter for ruining my image of having a family and cute little kids running everywhere as I began to turn grey and get wrinkles.

Because my vision of having a family involved Lily and James and he ruined that.

There's things in life that are hard to forgive people for. There are things that make you want things to change. Because days fly past and we take each one for granted until finally one day takes it away from us all and before we know it everything has changed and we're panicking because we weren't expecting this and we are scared.

So close-minded about everything else going on around us, not noticing others slowly changing, not noticing others fading away into the hands of the unknown.

The sad thing is that during the aftermath of Jordan's death and Ariel leaving the marauders, it could have been me who turned to the Dark Lord, not Peter. It could have been me who betrayed Lily and James. Who got them killed. Who used their friendship to help their depression from everything going on around them.

Nothing has a reason for leaving until the thought of it leaving has actually settled in, implanted itself in your brain. Nothing is worst than not knowing what's going on. Nothing is worse than having no little clue about who is doing what and who is hurting and who is being hurt by every small action another does. Nothing makes sense when someone leaves us.

But the worst thing about Peter and I, it was that I didn't turn to the same path as him because James kept me grounded. Peter never had any other very close friends. He and Jordan were never that close yet neither was James nor Lily to her yet they felt the pain. It wasn't like he didn't hurt as well. And who was he to turn to? He was in a war, you can't necessarily make new friends during a time of war.

But he did. And those were the wrong type of friends. Friends of the dark lord. Friends that were interested in the dark arts. Friends that wanted to watch as others fell in front of them, to laugh as they watched them fall to their knees, begging for another chance. Friends that only wanted to have dark, bad but extremely strong power.

Peter should not have been judged by his actions. Peter was never as brave as the rest, he never stood up for himself. But Peter did something and maybe in the end up he was brave. Because one brave enough to betray is one brave enough to kill and one brave enough to kill is one brave enough to ask for that same power.

Everything changes when you don't want it to, when you're just starting to get used to what it had changed to after it changed the time before. And maybe in that time when it changed again, Peter changed along with it. It's like following a crowd. It's easier to handle it when you follow it, right?

The minds circle my head as I continue trudging through the grass which is covered with a white blanket of snow. I avoid the path because although the grass is moist from all the snow, the path is slippy due to ice. My shoes are beginning to get soaked and the water is freezing my feet but I ignore the feeling and warp the trench coat even tighter around myself.

Ariel barely knew that I had left the house, nor do I think she cares. She was in bed last time I heard of her and I'm pretty sure she has no intentions on leaving it anytime soon and I have no intentions of making her. That woman could give one bloody long lecture over tiny things that I do and it can get annoying sometimes.