Kiss Me Silly-Completed

Chapter 58

I stared into Billy's warm dark eyes feeling a little mesmerised by what I saw in its depths. A tenderness for me...or maybe something more. Mother fussed over his wounds and I reluctantly drew away. I didn't want to relinquish his gaze on mine. It had an almost physical hold on me. One that drew me closer needing to get within his embrace.

I took a step back than another breaking the spell he had over me. Turning away finally to follow mum's directions and get started with dinner. I swung open the cupboards staring helplessly at all the stacks of food... mostly junk food that I had only recently stocked up. Mum... I saw hadn't gotten around going to the shops yet.

I sighed scrambling over what to cook for that night.

"Mum? Is fried rice okay?"

That was easy enough to whip up in the shortest amount of time. I could maybe even throw in some sweet and sour chicken and a bowl of fresh salad. Not bothering over mum's not forthcoming response I bustled about getting out all the ingredients then settling down to some prep work.

Having already put the rice to cook, I was finishing off the chopping of carrots when Billy hobbled in.

"Should you really be moving around like that?" I asked faintly feeling the tendrils of hair at the back of my nape stand to attention. I shivered from the heated look in his eyes. But I knew him. I knew what it meant. He merely wants to stamp out Claude's touches from me. As if he could. As if it were that simple. But the promises in his eyes told me it was.

I tore my gaze away and went back to my chopping. He sat on the stool at the kitchen bench before me. I didn't lift my eyes again from the task at hand. So Billy spoke instead trying to draw my attention back to him.

"Why? Why did you let him kiss you? Do you love him? Is that it?"

I blinked away the tears that formed in my eyes wishing they were from the onions I was chopping and not from the hurt I clearly heard in his tone.

I shook my head feebly and tried to control my emotions before speaking. I didn't want to come out all tear clogged and just warble. Not over something this important.

"I do not love him. I don't even know him... not really," I said with inflections in my voice then shrugged my shoulders helplessly. I couldn't explain what I was so confused about.

"Is it lust? Is that what you feel for him?" Billy asked me brokenly. My gaze whipped up to meet his. I stared into the heat swirling in his eyes. He was angry... burning up in rage. Angry at me.

I dropped the knife I was holding and took a step back fretfully. I knew this was coming. I knew it and yet I couldn't stop it. I couldn't prevent the downward spiral into the pit of despair. I knew I should have shoved Claude off. I knew I should have been firm in not returning his kisses but like before I succumbed to his lure. I fell beneath the depths of his expertise.

I had no thoughts at all of Billy... not at that time. Not when I was in Claude's arms. I was a slut. There was nothing else ... no other excuses I could make for my actions.

Ping!

I turned to the rice cooker greatfully. "The rice is cooked," I muttered under my breath then inched forward back to the cutting board. I needed my ingredients to cook and I needed to cook.

I refused to look at Billy and in a flurry of movements I had my onions chopped up and my chicken too.

So I went off to the other end of the kitchen where the stove sat and started the fire beneath a Chinese style wok. Tossing in some oil and then my ingredients I started to clatter my cooking laddle about noisily. Needing that noise to block out the heavy silence in the kitchen.

I couldn't help shaking as I stood there. My quivering hands making all the more clatter then normal. I felt fear like I never had before. Fear of loss.

Fear of losing my one best friend... my one worst friend... my one only friend... and my one something more.