The Player Next Door

Chapter 20

"They bet on who could fuck her first? That's disgusting" Kimmy said scrunching her nose in disgust.

We were laying in her bed eating ice cream straight from the carton and I sighed, putting my spoon down, "I don't know why I'm so upset. I knew that this is the kind of person he is, if anything it's my fault for being stupid enough to believe he was different."

"You can't blame yourself babe, you wanted to see the good in him there isn't anything wrong with that. He seemed like he was changing, especially after you spent the night" she said trying to make me feel better.

Despite her efforts it only made me feel worse. I think back to when I stayed the night and how much he cared about me. I roll my eyes, I'm an idiot.

"Maybe I'm just naive, maybe I wanted to believe he was a good guy."

"Well Chels, maybe he did change. Maybe he's grown since that. I mean yeah it was only a year ago, but so much can change in a year. Think about how your life was a year ago, are you the same person?"

I frown as I think back to living in Tennessee. A year ago I was still with Chad, letting him decide what I wore and afraid of disappointing him. God, I was so naive.

"No, I was very different. But still, I just matured and became more confident in who I am, he fucked a girl as a joke."

Kimmy frowns, "So you don't think he's changed then?"

Pursing my lips I think over all the things he's done for me. I try not to smile as I remember one of the first selfless deeds he did for me; picking me up on his bike. He hasn't rode it in a while, I wonder why.

Well I'm not going to ask him now.

Kimmy is waiting for an answer so I sigh, "I want to think so."

"Why do you think you want to believe that?" She asked even though it sounded like she already knew the answer.

"I don't know," I shrugged spooning a scoop of ice cream into my mouth, "Maybe because I was desperate for another friend or because I didn't want to just believe everything I heard"

Kimmy laughed softly, "Any other reason?"

I turned to face her a small smile playing on my lips, "Do you know something about me that I don't?"

"I don't know Chels, is there any chance you have feelings for him?" Her question shocked me and I was at a loss of words for a moment.

"For a guy like him, no way! Plus, I'm dating Ryan," there was no way I had feelings for Jake, he used girls to win bets!

"Chelsea I know you care about Ryan, but sometimes" she paused turning to face me fully trying to think of a way to phrase her next words, "sometimes in life we think we want something. Ryan is a great guy, he's sweet and charming and funny but he's also safe. He's easy to love and quick to reciprocate and good at communicating. Then there's guys that are harder to love but easy to fall for, like Jake. Sometimes being hard to love makes them a bad choice because it hurts to love them, to want to be with them. Do you get where I'm going with this?" She asked wondering if she'd lost me.

"Kimmy my feelings for Ryan are real" I said getting defensive.

"I believe you, I do. I'm just asking if theres any chance that your close friendship with Jake opened up a door to new feelings, confusing ones maybe?"

My feelings for Jake were confusing, he made me mad and was always getting under my skin and every time I thought we could move forward he pulled us a step back. But, for some reason I still cared about him, so yes I was confused, confused as to how I could want to keep someone so negative in my life.