Finding You

chapter 4

Purple. Butterflies. Gradient from white to pink. Kind smiles. Purple. Butterflies. Gradient from white to pi-

"Argh!" Tomioka snapped.

He punched and punched the tree until his knuckles were red blood. It was a vivid deep colour that dripped from the crippled skin down to the white soft snow. He had enough of this. What kind of bullcrap is this?! What's wrong with him? What is wrong with him?! Keeping on punching wouldn't work, so he kicked. He kicked it like he would kick away a demon's head, but Tomioka would be much more satisfied if it was his head in that moment. That was how crazy Tomioka Giyuu felt, and how he wished he would die right there. He wanted to snap his head of. He was crazy.

Poor tree couldn't stand a single little chance against Tomioka and his pissed movement. At least now the sad tree wouldn't be the plain old tree anymore, it was stained with a beautiful colour, a dangerous colour, the red blood colour of a certain pillar. It was in the middle of his rage that Tomioka had decide to threw all the way this unnecessary actions he was doing, and whipped out his shiny sword. The nichirin blade shined a beautiful bluish tint, but the blood did not spare anytime to immediately drip down the thing. It was awful. The blade was beautiful, but it was stained with Tomioka's guilt, and he knew it.

After a few whipped, the tree was gone. It was cut up in to pieces. How horrible. If only Tomioka can be cut up like that, he'd be extremely grateful. It was plain sadness. It was painful. Painful how he missed someone. Painful how he missed Kochou Shinobu. All he could think about was her lovely hair, her gentle smile and how her pretty haori flaps beautifully in the air each time she jumped up. Why was she gone? Tomioka panted and panted. His lungs felt trapped and claustrophobic. Even if he was a pillar, a Hashira, a powerful demon slayer, a loyal comrade and was one of the special people who can do Total Concentration: Constant, he was still just a normal human being. A normal, but hurt human being who fell into depression.

The snow beneath him was damped with his deep red blood. His knuckles looked horrendous. The skin was crippled and was clearly peeling off. The warm blood found it's way down to Tomioka's sleeves, making it soaked with how much blood he had loose. It was pathetic. He felt so ugly and so tiny. He couldn't even protect that one person he loves. He truly was a failure and a pathetic wimp. It had been exactly like that with his sister, Sabito and Makomo. They were his family, his friends but in the end, he couldn't protect them. Tomioka couldn't be the strong person like his sister was, brave like Sabito and kind like Makomo were. He was pathetic. Because he was that wimp that couldn't move a muscle back then even if he wanted to, that his family and friends were killed. Now his love was gone.

Suddenly, Tomioka breathing went ragged, out of pace and deadly fast. Dropping his sword, he brought his mess of hands towards his mouth to hide his intense coughing. His body was numb. It hurts so bad. Without any warning, his body betrayed him and fell down onto the soft snow. Didn't he promised himself just yesterday's night that he will go to find Shinobu today? Another promise he had broken. The sudden change between the storm and the snow made it extremely difficult to travel with the strange weather, so he will have to postponed the plan. Crap. How could he do this to Shinobu? Didn't he promised he would be back, but he didn't when she was waiting? Didn't he promised that he will forever always comeback home?

Breath. Live. Those two words kept on swirling in Tomioka's head as his pale face scrunched up and his eyes squinted shut. Was he always this selfish? Tomioka can only think for himself. He couldn't save anyone, he couldn't do anything...

It was really surprisingly harder to breathe now. Trying to flip himself upwards, Tomioka coughed harder and harder. He wasn't supposed to raged and acted like a 5 year old who had lost their toy out in this freezing cold weather. But who would've guess? He did. Was this... Was this what you called a breakdown? A whole through your heart? Tomioka wouldn't know. He was an idiot who stupidly knew nothing about how people feels. Nevermind. He knew how people feel, sure, but he didn't know how to make them happy. Maybe that's why people hates him. Maybe that's why he kept on thinking that Shinobu didn't actually love him, and that she felt pity for a person like him. Oh, maybe the real reason people hates him was because he doubted their feelings. Even when Shinobu risked her life for him, he doubted her love for him. What a pathetic wimp he was.

"Oh no!" A shocked shriek hit Tomioka's ears. "No, no, no!" The same voice sounded out again. Right after the shriek got out, footsteps can be heard.
Everything was so hazy and blurry somehow. Tomioka's head ache and his breathing fasten in an unnatural manner. How numb can his body be? He felt cold, freezing up to his spine. This feeling made him wanted to die even more.

"Tomioka-san! Tomioka-san..." The voice echoed through his ears. Footsteps were closer now, he could feel it. Mustering all of his last and final strength, he opened his eyes. He saw purple. Black and purple-blue. Someone's hair. The gradient haori. The gentle smile. Even from far away and even with the little strength he got left, Tomioka could see the anonymous person running towards him. He couldn't make out who it was, but he knew that they wanted to help him.

"Please be ok!" The voice said. The person reached him. He saw their face. Her face. Tomioka went mad.

"Shinobu!" Was what he screamed out in the end, using up all of his last and somewhat little strength to do it before he lost his consciousness. How cruel. He couldn't even see her beautiful face properly even before passing out the most pathetic way a wimp could do.

P.s. I am sorry for the long chapter, but I really want to include how Tomioka felt in this chapter. Thankyou for supporting! :)