Secrets untold

"19"

October 16,2020
-Jisung's p.o.v-

Another morning.What now?
I feel like these days are going by to fast.I should make a song out of this.Maybe that would relieve me as well.I should just stay here making it though.I doubt that today won't change.But my things for producing is in the studio.What should i do?I don't want to leave my room.I should be more productive these days.

Suddenly i heard knocking from my door."Ji you haven't come out of there for almost 16 hours"i'm supposing Chan hyung said it."Please Ji you have to eat,i know there isn't food in there"He mumbled but loud enough to hear.I didin't reply."Please?"he said begging.I still didin't reply.He stopped talking so i guess he left."Ji we
A-accept you"Someone said.I guess it was Hyunjin."We accept that your gay some of us are gay too"Hyunjin said baffling.I was surprised its to good to be true.Until i felt the urge of puking again.I was gagging.But i held it in."Ji please your worrying us"he said.I started gagging again.I heard his footsteps going further so i guess he gave up.I burst to the bathroom until i reached the toilet i puked.This time it wasn't that much blood.I suddenly heard the knocking on my door."Ji are you ok?"I couldn't identify who it was because i was to dazed.My head was aching so much.I felt like i could collapse any moment.Which i wouldn't mind.I knew i wasn't sick i was just hungry.I did eat last time because i was tempted to.But i don't want to eat food again.I cleaned up and head back to my room.(ok for your information his room has a bathroom inside.) I really need to get out of my room to get my stuff for producing.But i don't want to see my members disappointed faces."Ji we will open this door whether you like it or not"Changbin hyung said.I became anxious.My emotions are mixed,i don't know if i should be scared or mad."Ji we will bust this door open!"Changbin started raising his voice.I was too anxious to answer.I didin't know what to say or what to do.There so many voices in my head.I can't seem to choose which one to follow.I finally started crying.The door knob started twisting.I guess they were trying to unlock it.I heard them inserting a key.I remembered that Chan hyung had all the keys to our rooms and dorms.Finally the door was unlocked."Guys! I opened it!"Everyone started running closer to me.I just hid in my blankets.Until they pulled my blanket down."S-sungie"they mumbled.My eyes turned into a waterfall.Anxiety turning up on me.I was shaking,biting my nails and scratching my neck.There was to much pressure on me so i ran away from them."Ji wait!"Chan hyung yelled but i was already quite far from them.I broke down i was outside after all so when i kneel down the pebbles mark on my knee.

"When they tease me and joke around i don't laugh with them i laugh about myself "

"Its uncomfortable to be with you Han"

"Your weird"

"Your so dirty and unorganized"
*laugh*

I know they're joking
But it hurts...

Its like arrows to my heart
But i don't care because they are my second family.My real family would never love me but them,they love me i know that

'Stray kids'

-Chan's p.o.v-
I tried stopping them trying to find Jisung.I knew that wasn't what Jisung wants.I knew that giving him time to open his mind and be comfortable with our warm comfort.I still felt bad for the boy because he just hides this type of sadness that can't be solved by a smile or laugh.But i don't want to assume things to fast.We just want the best for him.

"Should we take him to a psychiatrist?"Changbin asked as a suggestion."No i don't think that's what he needs,that won't solve his anxiety that's what i know for sure"
I said seriously."Well then what sould we do?"Felix asked curiously."I'm not sure yet Lix"I said with a sigh."But i'm sure that we will find a way"Changbin bugged in.We all nodded with sad smiles.

I really want to talk to Jisung and show him our love for him.But how can i do that if i don't know what the boy is deeply going through.I can feel the tension when he's nervous or anxious either way.

I started getting a thought of talking to him while its early until it gets to late of course.I left my dorm and head out to look for Jisung.I figured that he would go to the nearby park.Since that's the place where he calms himself down.

After a short walk I finally reached the entrance of the park.Not so many people as i expected.Until i saw a pale blonde haired boy that was the one i was looking for.He's sitting on the bench,hiding his face to be confirmed that he was crying.I came closer to him and sat down next to him.He looked up as he felt my presence.

"J-jisung"I stuttered as my heart ached seeing him like this."h-hyung?"he asked sniffing."Oh God Ji..."I pulled him in a tight hug."H-hyung why are you h-here?"He asked chocking on his sob.I pulled away from the hug and look straight into his eyes."I was looking for you Ji"I told him with sincere eyes."I'm s-sorry i'm like t-this"Jisung suddenly confessed."Look,
None of this is your fault Ji.We understand"After i told him that he was crying even more.I told him sweet comforting words to make him know that he's not alone."Uh we should head back home its getting late and the others are probably worried for you."

We head back home and heard nothing but silence.They're probably already asleep.I told Ji to go inside and I'll catch up later,because i got a call from someone unknown.

After Jisung went inside,I answered the call.At first i couldn't hear words but heavy breathing.I was quite terrified."H-hello?"I spoke to the person on the line."Y-your l-1itt13 fr13nd w177 d-d13."The unknown person finally responded."W-what? Excuse me sir?"I asked confused.But he suddenly hanged up.I brushed it off and head inside.My members were all already asleep.

??? P.o.v
S00n y0ur l1tt13 fr13nd wi77 d13 haha haha AHAHAHA he w177 p9y f0r th3 d9m9ge h3 br0ught t0 m3.Th9t l1itt13 b1tch.

________________________
Sorry for the late update i'm getting lazier and lazier every day.Oops i guess but anyway thx for reading.BAIIIIIII❤

                          
                                         ~~~♧◇♡♤■□●○𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒈𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒈○●□■♤♡◇♧~~~