Aftermath (Kakashi Hatake)

Part 10: Just Don't

I stood at the top of the Hokage monument over looking the village. Raw waves of pain racked through me as I sobbed. I am sick of this. I am sick of feeling this way. How am I supposed to just move on when I have lost everything? A kunai clutched in my hand and my mask in the dirt beside me. I was wearing the dress Kushina picked out for me for her wedding. No shoes, no jewerly just the dress. I held the kunai to my wrist and pushed it it, finding relief in the blood welling around it. "No! Please, Asa!" I looked up to see the last person I wanted to find me. Kakashi, was wearing only a pair of pajama pants, no shirt, no shoes, not even a mask. He had obviously just woken up. "I can't do it anymore, Kashi. I can't! Not feeling anything, being afraid to get close to anyone! I can't go on these missions and not feel anything. I can't! I miss them! I miss them so much! I can't keep going through the motions and no getting any better!" I said and I cried. I didn't stop him from taking my weapon and pulling me into him. "I can't continue either. From now on we will be better, for each other, for them. We will move on and we will make them proud." He spoke and I felt relief. He want's to get better. "So don't you ever do this again." He ordered holding up my barely injured wrist. "Just Don't." He hissed. 

Two and a half years after my near suicide attempt, three years had gone by since Minato-sensei's death. Things are finally starting to get better. Kakashi and I were as close as ever. For the first year after the incident with me Kakashi treated me like a piece of glass, afraid I was going to break any second now. I don't remember much of that year. At some point I remember we rescued a child, Tenzo, from none other than Orichimaru, one of the legendary Sannin, who had defected from the village and went on a power trip. This power trip included experimenting on children. After I finally convinced Kakashi that I was okay, I started working on fixing him in return. I had hardly even noticed how much he had changed. He was quiet, drawn off. He refused to let anyone in, even me, and suffered greatly. He was haunted by those he lost. During this time Kakashi actually yelled at me for the second time in our lives. 

"I saw Guy today. He asked about you. He's worried. He didn't say a thing about your 'rivalry' all he wanted to know is if you were gonna be okay. He wanted me to tell you that you could talk to him if you want. It was almst unnerving the way he was so serious." I shivered a little remembering the scene. "Almost scary, actually." I added under my breath. Kakashi and I had been spending our day the usual way, sprawled across the floor of our apartment, we had just given up and moved into his together after my breakdown. The Third Hokage actually suggested it, I knew he was hoping we would be able to heal together, which so far is working. I still miss my old team, every single day. But I don't let it hold me back anymore. They wouldn't want this and I had promised Obito and Minato-sensei this wouldn't happen to us. Yet, I just sat back and did. I am the only one responsible for letting Kakashi sink so far into the grief that he was so clearly drowning in. I let him suffer for so long and now it is my turn to pull him, help him hold his head above water until he could do it himself. 

"Hn." Kakashi hummed in response to my statement. "Is that it?" I asked. "Your friend is worried about you. I am worried about you." I stressed the last bit to prove how concerned I really am. "Why?" He asked, putting away his book, a very disgusting book might I add, and looking at me. Both of us were mask-less wearing only comfortable clothes seeing as we had returned from a rather exhausting mission escorting a very annoying priestess, just last night. I had gotten up this morning and ran down to the market to pick up some milk and a few other groceries before grabbing a couple rolls and returning home, bumping into our classmate along the way. I say our classmate because the group of shinobi my age are so close. I may not have been with them in the academy but we all consider each other as classmates, seeing as the real learning experience was during the war. "Because you aren't doing so well." I stated matter-of-factly. As I had gotten better my once quiet attitude had changed back to what I was like as a child, feisty and quick witted. Still quiet but sarcastic and comical, a side not many people had ever gotten to experience from me other than my old team and a few select friends I had made over the years. To everyone else I was serious and quiet, almost too serious, not a lot of people my age felt like they could relate to me until recently.