Phil's POV
We had just finished filming Phil Is Not On Fire 6. I sat on the edge of my bed looking at Dan and laughing at everything that had just happened. Our fans were definitely going to love this new episode. Especially the Phan shippers.
"Phil... You slapped my ass with a rubber snake. How do you think OUR fans are going to take that??"
We laughed until we couldn't breathe.
"I'm sorry! We were acting out a music video that undoubtedly involved ass slapping and I was just being a good actor!"
We laughed some more.
Then there were a few moments of silence between us. He bent over his laptop, doing... Something. And as I looked at him I began to think deeper and deeper about him. About us.
Memories of 2009 came flooding back to me all at once. I remember the night before I met him. I had cried so hard. For so long. Not anything to do with him, of course, but I remember just being so tired. I had been so tired of every single thing I had to do to survive in the world I lived in, and I felt so beat down by everything and everyone.
Memories of a young boy, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring down at his shoes. Crying. Shaking. Unable to go on.
No one loves you, Phillip... No one Cares whether you live or die...
But then the next day came. The sun rose, the world awakened, and I still wished with all my heart that I wouldn't have to. But I did. I dragged myself to the airport to meet this boy I found online.
And that boy became my best friend. He lifted me up, gave me an outlet. He fixed me as best he could until I got up and decided to make things better.
We moved in together. We made videos together. I remember the first Phil Is Not On Fire. I remember how near the end, I was just so overcome with how great he was, and how happy he made me, I just attack-hugged him when he was mid-sentence. And he just laughed. A good laugh. A genuine, lovely, heart-filled laugh. It was an amazing day. And I finally felt like I was amazing. I was Amazing Phil.
And now, looking at him with these memories in my eyes, I tapped him on the shoulder.
"Dan?"
"Hm?"
I threw my arms around his neck and held him tightly.
"I love you, Daniel Howell."
I hoped he wouldn't feel weird about how I told him I loved him. But it was true. He was there for me when no one else was. He made me who I am today. And I love him.
He seemed a bit thrown off at first, but then he relaxed and put his arms around my waist.
He laughed lightly.
"Love you too, Phillip."
We sat like that for a minute, in each others arms. I wanted to hold him as close to me as I possibly could. I wanted him to know how much he meant to me. But eventually I let go.
"I'm starving, could we maybe get something to eat?"
"Yeah, sure. C'mon, lets go out tonight. There's a new restaurant I wanted to try out and see if they had anything good..."
I didn't hear hardly any of what he said. I just studied his face. I loved the way he looked at me. His lips turned up at the corners. His dimple showed. And of course, his eyes lit up with joy.
My heart-eyes Howell.
"Phil?"
"Huh?"
"Did you hear any of what I just said?"
"Uh... Yeah. Lets go."
"Okay. Put on a really warm sweater. It's cold as hell outside."
"Okay."
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That night we chatted lightly over dinner. We talked. We exchanged thoughts about things happening in the world, and about things going on in our lives, how our days were. But I was barely in the conversation. I was just dancing in my own thoughts, thinking and wondering and pondering and considering.
Then Dan said something that caught my attention.
"Phil, do you remember the first time we met?"
I nodded.
"I do."
"Do you remember how you felt?"
That question left me confused.
"Huh?"
"Tell me... What did you think? How did you feel on that exact day?"
"Really... Great."
Dan put his chin in his hand and his elbow on the table, nodding and waiting for me to say more.
"I though you were so funny. And I thought you were really fun to be around. And I felt..."
My voice trailed off. How could I say what I wanted to say in the right words?
"I... Um..."
He had a half smile on his face, not interrupting my desperate search for an adjective.
Then something strange happened. Our lips moved at the exact same time, and uttered the exact same two syllables, Forming the exact same word.
"Complete."
(((Update literally a year later- thanks so much for reading, guys. I feel so loved. I have zero friends, and if you have zero friends as well please text me I'd love to chat with some of you .7.27.14. <my kik)))
