Me After You.
Things get messy.
When you can't share the pain, the irritation, the disgust with anyone.
So you wait.
I am tired of this "wait". I am tired of this situation, where I ain't myself anymore.
They say, 'What's wrong with you?'
"You've changed."
To this, I want to shout my heart out and confess; "I know and I want to change this change."
I. DESPERATELY. WANT. TO. CHANGE.
I wanna go out, I want that old self back, I want that confidence back, I wanna live. I wanna feel.
This lack of confidence, this emptiness, the paranoia, these whispers which are too loud for me to not hear, those stares which I can feel piercing my soul, the insecurities, the anxiety.
The way I don't lift my eyes and my head to avoid people and unconsciously increase my pace while walking down the aisle only to slip away unnoticed.
[Sighs]
Everything seems fake, no purpose, no strength, no light, no confidence, no true happiness.
Stays with me is an empty numbness followed by a sharp pang in my chest.
I wanna shut myself down, to stay alone, to not hear your opinions because trust me, I know them all.
I just want a long break. A full stop before a (maybe) hopeful semicolon.
I cannot explain how I feel.
When I want to cry and my eyes won't cooperate.
When I want to feel the pain but my stone cold heart is too stubborn to understand.
When I want to see hope but my vision is blinded by the pitch black darkness.
When I want to feel something which is far away from this inevitable numbness.
I understand. I really do.
I know my soul is the only lifelong loyal companion my body should fall in love with.
But, it's human nature "to agree to disagree", and I am no exception.
Never was Einstein more right than when he said, 'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.'
Felt so great, so confident, so brave about my body and myself, when you promised to be a lifelong loyal companion.
Then you left. Left after igniting a fire within. Left after lighting me up like Venus. Left a cliché story tale unfinished.
What do I do, now that the story is done?
Should I agree to disagree?
Or maybe,
Grab a golden chance to prove Einstein wrong.
_
First letter!!
Many more to come.
I hope you like 'em.✨
YOU ARE READING
Little Letters of Life
Poesia'Little Letters of Life' is filled with poems, musings and stories. This book is a perfect combination of fiction and reality. It's everything I am and everything you can relate with. I wrote it all for myself, but I feel like even though we shuffl...
