The best in me
Staying true to myself is difficult. Accepting that lately my emotions don't align; running as far away as possible from them is difficult, trying to fix myself when I barely even know what's wrong with me is difficult.
Living in a bubble and not knowing how to work my way out is difficult.
Even though I pretend everything is normal; living a normal life is difficult. Putting up a show of what's best in me is difficult.
Being good on my own and to everyone around me is difficult.
Being a disappointment is difficult.
Hiding my fears and demons deep inside and hoping that they won't scare me ever again is difficult.
Getting up everyday and doing the daily chores is difficult.
Putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy or to at least look emotionally stable when all I wanna do is cave in and give up; having a control over myself at the time is difficult.
Not knowing what's wrong and what's right is difficult.
When life tastes bitter, finding something to add a flavour to it is difficult.
I don't wanna lie so let's be honest, running from my issues every time is difficult.
When everything around is good, but still not being able to live a good enough life is difficult.
Most of all, not knowing the reason behind this overpowering feeling of emptiness, loneliness, darkness and numbness, but still dealing with it every single day is difficult.
Talking to people, keeping the conversations going, smiling when they smile, and as soon as they walk ahead or I turn around, feeling that inevitable darkness engulfing me; repeating the same process again and again the whole day is difficult.
Not sharing it with anyone because I don't want them to think that maybe I'm a negative energy or I'm just overreacting to the basic shits in life is difficult.
Knowing that I don't deserve this, knowing that maybe everything I'm feeling is fabricated, maybe it's all in my head, knowing that I should fight myself, that I'm worth the fight, but accepting that maybe this time I ain't gonna make it very far is difficult.
I can't fake it anymore, It's getting hard for me to walk alone, I'm grateful and thankful for everything and everyone but saying that I'm fine after writing down everything I feel is gonna be difficult, because now I can't lie.
Not gonna deny it. Not anymore.
All I know is that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't care if I'm not good enough to walk, I'm gonna crawl my way to the end. I won't let this darkness engulf me. I know it's difficult, but I also know that I'm stubborn and I won't quit.
Not today, not tomorrow.
Never.
I'm gonna work my way to the best in me.
_
Think I figured out how to be true to myself without it ripping my heart out.
YOU ARE READING
Little Letters of Life
شِعر'Little Letters of Life' is filled with poems, musings and stories. This book is a perfect combination of fiction and reality. It's everything I am and everything you can relate with. I wrote it all for myself, but I feel like even though we shuffl...
