Kind of a longer chapter.
This wasn't apparent for a very long time. It took months. MONTHS. You'd blocked off your feelings for so long, that you honestly didn't feel anything for Donnie for a long time. You were just two bros, two friends with major differences. But this changed, it changed in the blink of a millisecond, and it scared you entirely.
"Hey, Don, you busy?" You entered the lab with a strut in your step. You skipped school and did your lessons online early in the morning, then went down to the lair for the day. No one noticed, and even if they did, no one happened to care about where you were.
You remained bruised from your most recent fight. Donnie had warned you of the dangers of New York's nights. Yet you ignored him and scored the injuries. Your left jaw had been bruised, and your right eye as well. Stitches on your right cheek had been made by the one and only. Scolding followed, and you knew it would've been worse if Donnie had seen how bruised your ribs were.
You could remember it all very clearly. You had nearly arrived at the bakery's back. They always kept the tallest window open, and if you found out how to get in, you would've had enough food for the next few days. But that didn't happen. There was a drug deal happening in the alley, and you were jumped.
It was hysterical when you had to come receive the turtle's help. Raphael was the first to see you enter the lair. Blood covered your face, hands, and the front of your shirt. Leo had come into the room from the dojo, just having finished his training. He'd heard Raph's gasp and turned to see what was wrong. And when Leo yelled for Donnie, Mikey had hurried into the room with a handful of pizza and eyes of confusion. He was the one to scream. My vision was blurry and my head was light. I had to be supported by the brothers and taken to the lab. Donnie had been in the shell razor, and only heard us when we came busting into the silent lab.
I had only seen his eyes so wide when I had first been caught in the lair by his father. But he wasn't nearly as scared as he was when I had been shot. It was a fear of "someone is hurt" and not "death is a possibility". The brothers had been pushed from the room when they realized Donnie would speak over their angry questions. When Donnie was agitated, they knew to leave him be. "So much blood, too much blood" his whispers chanted. He ran back and forth, knocking things over to find whatever it was he needed. He scanned and poked and eyed my injuries. He whispered mindlessly about broken bones and scars and pain. He was a wreck as I laid limp on the table, grumbling and hissing whenever he poked or mashed too hard on my face.
But even then, he didn't spare me a look. He was busy.
"Oh hey, what's up?" Donnie's head hit the light that was pulled over him. He tired to catch it as the post tipped backward, but failed and he winced when the metal crashed to the ground. The light flickered and shut off in a matter of seconds, but Donnie's attention was stolen. He fiddled and looked around the room before looking at me again.
"Did I... scare you?"
"no, no, not at all. Did you need something?"
"I was just wondering if I could borrow a book. I've got a lot of free time today and your brother's and you are all busy."
"Did you finish your school work?"
"Yes."
"Did you really?"
"Yes, I did. I finished it at the library this morning."
Donnie snorted. "The library? Seriously? They aren't even open yet." he glanced at his watch. "Ten minutes until they open, matter of fact. Maybe you should be working on that instead of procrastinating."
"Donnie, I am serious. I let myself in and did my work. I gotta do what I gotta do."
"You broke into the library?!"
"No! No, no, I let myself in. I shut everything off and locked everything back. Breaking in means damage was done. I even left a note."
"...A note?" Donnie's expression was unimpressed. His voice was flat. "What kind of note?"
"I just wrote a simple thanks for letting me use the computer. That's all." The purple banded turtle shook his head and rubbed his eyes. After a minute he looked back up at me and frowned. A cock of his head let me know he was about to get logical with me, so I tried to smile my way out of it. A look crossed his face and he eventually gave a grin, giving up on his comment for the day.
"At least you left a note." He spun around in his chair, looking around the lab and then stood up to get something off of his bookshelf. Once he found a book, he turned and smiled. "Here, I read this the other day and I think you would find it interesting. It's about hacking and high tech technology, not that you need to learn anymore of it, but I think you would find it a good read. Maybe you could help me with my newest invention when you're done?"
"Uhh...sure. Thanks." I smiled and walked up to grab the book from his hand, but forgetting the long post laying out on the floor, my foot caught onto it and I tripped forward. It happened so fast. My hands flew out to catch my weight, but my hands never touched the hard cement flooring. I hadn't even realized my eyes were closed until I was prying them open to see what happened. When I opened them, I was met with a pair of brown eyes. Donnie's eyes. Wide and surprised and right in front of my face.
The dark brown consumed his eyes, yet had flicks of light caramel, and the pupil was was large and black as night. Simple but complex eyes, ones which held emotion. Ones that held his very soul. And they were right in front of me. Looking at me. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face, but no certain smell followed suit. I'm sure that my own heart stopped. A pain filled in my chest, and my breath caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe. What happened to the witty comebacks and the smart remarks that irritated everyone I spoke to? I wasn't sure.
"Are you okay?" I could feel the rumble from his chest to mine. He had caught me from falling, but he himself stumbled back and our fronts ended up pressed together, his face right at mine. It was like one of those dumb movie scenes, and for a moment I wanted to have a girly moment. Is this how it really felt? Like you were trapped in time, close to someone you were never actually close to? Is that what it took to feel for a person? Is that what it took for someone to become truly noticed? It was too cliche. Lame. It was something Raph and I could crack up over and make gross noises and nasty comments.
There was no way in hell this was a real thing.
No way.
No.
"I'm okay." My voice had come soft and gentle, losing all of the pride and confidence it had held any normal day. There was no sign of resentfulness. No sarcastic roll off the tongue, no anger. Why did I sound so intimidated? So... not me?
Donnie nodded and placed me back on my feet, assuring I was balanced before letting go. He plucked the book from the floor and placed it in my hands. "Make sure that you read chapter eleven. It gets very into detail."
"Yeah. Sure." I nodded slowly and turned around, quickly skidding from the lab and to Raph's bedroom. He looked up when the door slammed closed.
"Gee, what happened to ya? Yer all red."
"I have no idea."
"Did ya get that nerdy book ya went for?" He leaned back on his bed, looking back at the comic in hand. I nodded, even though he didn't see it. A long silence passed us by. I sighed and tapped my forehead with the textbook, ashamed with myself. No.
I couldn't like Donatello.
I couldn't.
.....Could I?
