Sweetest Little Show - Paul McCartney Fanfiction

Chapter 33 - Twenty Four Hours

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"Jackie, wake up darling," I heard Paul say in a hushed voice as he shook me gently.

Groaning, I sleepily opened one eye as I rubbed the other one. Slowly, I lifted up my head and saw that I was laying in Paul's arms on the couch. I apologised with a flushed face as I quickly moved, feeling a bit awkward about being so close to him. He just chuckled and told me not to worry about it.

"Why'd you wake me up?" I complained whilst stretching my arms out.

"You did it," Paul said with a small smile, looking down at his watch. "24 hours."

"Huh?" I said, my mind still fuzzed from the sleep. For some reason it's been a lot like that lately.

"You've been clean a whole day, love," Paul said.

I nodded as I dozed back off to sleep, still not fully awake. "That's nice."

At the time I had no idea what he was saying. I could barely hear the words. We had stayed up all night and I had only just then gotten to have a quick snooze. Sleep overtook me as I rested on Paul's chest, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat, just a tiny bit big enough for a small pump. As I felt him rest some part of his face on my forehead, I completely zoned out and entered my dreamworld again.

It was for the first time in a while, my heart started to feel something again. For so long, I had become a bit cold hearted and numb to any pains of both myself and others. There wasn't much left I cared about or really wanted. It was like I just gave up and let myself be chained by addiction.

As much as I hate to admit, I really missed this. It was a feeling of security and comfort I hadn't realised I'd been yearning for. I had previously lost all hope in finding someone I could confide in, especially after how many times I had felt such heartbreak because of giving this man so many chances, but I felt like he had changed. I knew a lot could happen in a year, maybe he had matured.

Maybe I had always loved him, even when I hated him. But I didn't want to admit that, not yet at least. My pride was too strong for that, and there were still parts of my heart that were too cold to melt, places guarded that wouldn't back down. My heart was still caged off from anyone, and the key was no where to be found.

When I woke up again, this time he was the one exhausted and asleep. He looked so tired, his mouth was slightly open and his head was drooped over to the side. My body was engulfed in his arms that were laying heavily on my body.

I slowly climbed out from this little fortress he made with his arms, and I rested his head down on the couch so he couldn't strain his neck. Staring at him for a moment, I thought about the time when we were happy together.

It almost made me smile, thinking about it. Almost. Something stopped my thoughts and I just felt sad again, like rewatching a sad ending to what was supposed to be a heart warming movie. A year and it was still much too hard to think about. The way it made my chest heart and my eyes warm, it could cause a whole breakdown again.

I kneeled down next to the couch, looking at him closely. His stubble would start growing out soon if he kept focusing more heavily on me. Either way, I thought he'd maybe look cute with it. It wouldn't bother me. Paul admittedly was always going to be someone I found attractive.

As I reflected in the past, I wondered how I could ever let him slip through my fingers. I still wondered what it was I did, or more so didn't do, to have him lose enough interest in me to go looking around at other girls. The thought hurt, but a lot of things do, right?

One day, I would have to find out. There had to be some reason other than the stupid one he's using as to why he cheated. He told me he loved me and yet he hurt me. You don't just do that. There's always some sort of reason even if you don't realise it.