Sweetest Little Show - Paul McCartney Fanfiction

Chapter 19 - Wish

Just a little warning, this chapters a bit... well... 😏.... be prepared 😂
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Present day, August 20th, 1964

As we came home after our long day out in Paris, Paul had immediately sat down with a sigh. I closed the door behind me, before my eye caught him. He looked up at me, but he had a forced smile. I knew his smile, and this wasn't his smile. This was a fake smile, one that tried to keep me pleased.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"What you told me earlier, I just... God, I just feel like a fucking dick," Paul said, wiping his eyes. They were red, the whites of his eyes. I could feel the guilt just from looking at them. Why was he guilty?

"Paul, you're not a dick. It's okay, it's been years and-"

"No! It's not okay! I'm fucking heartless dick and you know it!" Paul said, looking down at his feet. "I'm so sorry, Jackie. The first day we were together, god, I just acted so fucking stupid!"

"You didn't know what happened," I said, rubbing his back. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is my fault! If I just hadn't been such a cocky sod that day, if I had just learned to control myself!" Paul said, his fists tightening and whitening. "And of course I blamed you. I blamed you for the reason we were so distant those first days, but it was my fault. I had just been some arrogant flirt, and assumed you'd jump into bed with me easily. I'm so sorry, Jackie. I'm so fucking sorry, and I wish I didn't do it."

We sat in slice, the both of us not knowing how to continue. Paul held his head in his hands, and I had my arm wrapped around him. I could feel his back moving up and down slowly as he breathed heavily. He was trying not to cry and he wasn't doing a good job at it. So now, he was about to cry, and didn't want me to see it.

I kissed the side of his head, letting him know I was still here and wasn't mad. In fact, I had almost forgotten that we didn't start off so well. He had done so much to make me forgive him, and to make me forget. It wasn't such a big issue anymore, and we were done with it.

"Paul," I said softly. He didn't move, so I knew I had to actually tell him. "Paul, please, look at me. I wanna see your face."

Slowly, his hands dropped and he looked at me. His eyes were glossy, and a tear was threatening to leave his eyes as he tried to hold it together. I placed my hand on his cheek, leaving a small kiss on his lips. One that told him it was alright. It was me saying I had forgiven him, and I was over it.

"Jackie, I... It's been on my mind ever since you told me, earlier today. I'm just scared you're still mad at me y'know," Paul said. His voice cracked slightly as he told me, "I'm scared you'll leave me because you're so mad. Please don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving, Paul. I'm still here, aren't I? Let us both trust each other. I trust you," I said, holding Paul's hand. This time it was me giving him hope in the way I held his hand, and kissed his knuckles. "Do you trust me?"

"Oh, darling, of course I do," Paul said.

"Well then you'll have to trust me to be honest when I say I forgive you. It doesn't bother me anymore. Sure, I would've loved for us to have begun more friendly, but that's just how things work sometimes. A lot of my best friendships started off with some sort of conflict. Heck, I even hated Ringo before we were friends, and look how how close I am to him now."

"Well, that somewhat makes me feel a bit better," Paul said, his mouth curving slightly. "So tomorrow, I wanna take you somewhere. Some place really nice, is that alright with you?"