Dance With Me {l.t.} ✔

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Life was moving quickly and slowly all at the same time. Johannah did not seem to be getting any better or worse, and Louis was torn. He wanted to spend all his time with his mom, but he also wanted to be incredibly present throughout the pregnancy, too.
May 10, 2016.

Seventeen weeks; three days today.
"Do you think you'll find out the gender?" Phoebe asked over her sandwich and chips. I was having lunch with the twins in the hospital cafeteria. Louis was helping Dan with some things around the house, including watching the babies, while Johannah rested.
"I dunno, really," I told her. "Louis and I have talked about it, but I think we both really favor the idea of a surprise, you know?"
"That sounds like fun!" Daisy smiled, but Phoebe wrinkled her nose.
"But don't you want to know? So you can plan for it and buy all the cute clothes?" She asked.
I sipped at my Dr. Pepper. I had traded my morning coffee for herbal tea several weeks back, needing the soda by lunch time to help combat the heartburn that I had been getting. "Which is a fair point. I don't know. I'll ask Louis again on the way to our appointment this afternoon, and we will see what he says."
Well, Louis and I decided to keep the gender a secret. Johannah seemed to like that idea, too, and I won't deny that her opinion helped persuade us one way over the other. We were all doing pretty much whatever she wanted us to do these days.
"Well, everything is looking really great," my OBGYN smiled, sitting down in front of us and looking over her papers. "Your blood pressure is much better since the constant travelling stopped, so that is great. It's still a little high, so we will just continue to watch it."
"What can we do to fix that?" Louis asked. He had always been hyper aware of helping keep me safe and healthy, and I knew carrying his child would only increase that sensitivity.
"You two are doing all that you can," She told us. "Sometimes this is just a natural occurrence with pregnancies. We just monitor it and carry on as normal. Milana," she said, turning back to me, "your weight gain has been right on track, and besides the blood pressure, not one thing is out of place. You are having a textbook-perfect pregnancy."
"Heartburn included," I laughed, trying to cover up the small burp that escaped my lips, as if to punctuate my comment.
We bid our farewells to the doctors and nurses before we got back in the car. I was really expecting to go straight back to the hospital, but I was surprised when we made a left turn when we should have gone right. I cut Louis a curious look.
"I think I need to just be at home for a few days," he explained. "I talked to Mum about it, and she has all but forced me not to come back by for a bit."
I smiled a little, grabbing his hand across the console. "You could use the rest, baby. Your mom isn't going anywhere."
He bit his lip, and I could see his eyes go misty. I knew what he was thinking. It was what we were all thinking. Jay wasn't going anywhere tonight, hopefully. But the time would come. The cancer was too aggressive. 
We just didn't know when.

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We tried to keep things going as normally as possible. When summer came, Louis went off to start work with promo for X Factor UK with Simon. Still, no big news release about Johannah, and we were all grateful. Instead, many people couldn't seem to get enough of my belly. I couldn't even put gas in the car without being photographed.
July 15, 2016.

Twenty-six weeks; six days today.

Now, I spent afternoons looking at homes in London. I would never admit it, but I was keeping as close as possible to both Jay and Dan's home and the hospital. I was thinking so much more long-term than I knew I should have been. But it made me feel better.
Louis had missed the last doctor's appointment, and I know he felt awful about it. I Skype'd him in for it, but we both knew it just wasn't quite the same. Still, it was better than nothing.
I was just ready for him to be home.
My hormones had been through the roof, as of lately. Every little thing stressed me, and as someone who lived relatively stress-free before, this was all but killing me. I found that yoga and soft music seemed to help. I also allowed myself some time for an afternoon walk every day. The fresh air helped so much.
I took my walks with Johannah every Saturday, and it was, by far, the best part of my week. The hospital had a beautiful courtyard in the back that was filled with playground equipment, flowers, beautiful trees, and a walking path. While we walked, Dan played with the babies on the swings. I cherished the time to talk with Jay.
The mother I never got to have.
"Are you starting to get nervous, poppet?" Jay asked me as we walked. The sunlight made for a beautiful warmth.
I squeezed her hand in mine. "Just a bit. I think mostly because Louis is gone right now."
"He'll be back before that babe is here. He wouldn't miss that for the world."
"Oh, I know," I grinned, rubbing my hand up and down my stomach. "I'm just ready to have him home again."
"He called yesterday afternoon," she said. "He's nervous, too."
"He tells me that almost every day," I laughed a little, "but I know he's going to be the best dad to this little kiddo. He's already so loving and protective."
"He's worried about the travel," she told me. That was news to me though.
"He hasn't-"
"Oh, he won't admit it, but I know that's the part that bothers him the most. He's always so sad to see the growth of the babies each time he comes to visit. He knows he's missing things when he has to be away for work.
He doesn't want to miss the big things with his little one. He wants to be there for every little thing, the way I was able to be there for him. We both know better, but Louis thinks it will make him less of a father when he leaves you two for work."
"Both my parents dumped me in New York at the age of twelve because I wanted to dance. I know Louis is better than that."
"His dad walked away before he was six months old. I know he's better than that, too, but he's afraid."
I thought about what Johannah was saying, and while we knew better, just like she said, I could see where Louis' discomfort and fear was coming from. I made a mental note to always be ready to reassure him when I saw him down. I planned to travel, too, as much was possible, so Louis didn't have to miss out on time with his child.
Who in their right mind would keep a child from their father?!
"I know Louis. He won't be able to look at this baby and stay away. When he has to go, I'll do what I can to go with him." 
Johnnah smiled and squeezed my hand. "You are the perfect woman for him, you know that?" I was blushing now. "For more than a year now, Louis can't get through one conversation with me without bringing you up. He absolutely beams when he says your name. You really make him so so happy, dear."
"He changed everything for me," I told her, truthfully, "and then you all came along and changed things again. I feel like I really have a family now. It is absolutely incredible."
Jay opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, a myriad of coughs overtook her. We stopped our walk to help her catch her breath, but when that was proving difficult, Dan popped up and helped me steer her towards a bench.
"You're alright, love, that's it. Get it out, and you'll feel better," Dan coached her with encouraging words until the coughs faded completely.
The coughs were gone, but what they left behind was heartbreaking. Jay's face was exhausted and drawn in tight. For the first time in a couple weeks, I saw again the toll the cancer was taking on her body.
And I hated it.
Fuck cancer.

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(( Sick Johannah makes my heart hurt, you guys. I guess that's not a question, but . . . yeah. ))

1458 words. Again, a shorter chapter. These are just rough ones go write, I guess.

Cheers to DWM! -♡-