Dance With Me {l.t.} ✔

Chapter Thirty-Five

“You don’t have to do it, Lou,” Harry was saying. “Everyone would understand.”
We were in Johannah and Dan’s backyard, trying to keep away from the foot traffic inside. We had been attending a small gathering, honoring Johannah. Louis had been panicking a lot today, though, so we were trying to keep him from getting too claustrophobic. Niall, Liam, Harry, Louis, me, and Simon were all in chairs spread out on the back patio.
“Mum wouldn’t,” Louis answered, his voice still hollow as he looked out away from us all.
Simon was trying to explain to Louis that he didn’t have to perform on X Factor tomorrow night. I had been trying to avoid the decision all week, but we did have to come to some kind of conclusion.
“Bug . . .”
Louis looked down at Asher, who was in his arms. “I’m gonna do it. For mum.”

He didn’t say any more. He just stood up and disappeared back into the house. Liam followed after him. I couldn’t stop my head from dropping into my hands, tears falling down my face. In seconds, someone was crouched in front of me.
Harry.
I just kept crying, mad that it wasn’t Jay.

She would know how to handle all of this.
She would know what to do.

Louis had been quiet and distant since we got the news. The only time he seemed most like himself was when he had Asher to keep him busy, so I let him do whatever made him feel better. This meant that most of Asher’s feedings were with a bottle, except at night. Louis was hardly sleeping, but I insisted on breastfeeding throughout the night.
That was the one time I did limit his access to Asher.
I needed him to get some sleep. Even just a couple of hours. Something! Nothing I was doing seemed to be helping, though, and he just laid in the bed next to me, watching me nurse our son.

“I know it’s weird right now,” Harry spoke softly, wrapping me in his arms.
“Why don’t you go have a rest, dear?” Simon suggested. “It may do you some good. I’m going to pick you and Louis up here tomorrow around ten in the morning, and I plan on just keeping you both at the venue all day long. He could use something to focus on.”
I nodded. I knew he was right. Louis worked through things best when he had an alternative focus. When he was distracted, he couldn’t block his triggers as easily, and he was actually able to let some emotions seep out. I knew that’s what he needed.
I let Niall lead me back inside and up to Louis’ old bedroom that we had been staying in this week. We were both surprised to see Louis sitting on the bed when we walked in. I know it shouldn’t have been that surprising: the bedroom offered a solace away from everyone else.

Quiet.

His eyes were red rimmed, and he wasn’t holding Asher any longer. Our son was asleep in the middle of the bed, peacefully unaware of all the trauma and heartache going on around him. Louis locked eyes with me as soon as I spotted him.
“I’m tired,” He whispered, his voice breaking.
Niall patted me on the shoulder a couple times before disappearing back down the hallway, leaving me alone in the doorway. I slipped into the bedroom, closing the door behind me as I went. I sat down beside Louis on the bed and held him in my arms. He cried for a few minutes, but then he was silent again.
“Let’s take a nap, LouBug, okay?” He didn’t answer, but he did curl up on top of the comforter.
I moved Asher into the bassinet we were borrowing for our visit before turning to help Louis get more comfortable. I removed his tennis shoes and jacket before moving him under the blankets. Then, I removed my own shoes and jacket before joining him. Almost instantly, he curled into me, soft snores already filling the room.
“My sweet Louis.” I played with the wisps of his hair until I fell asleep, too.