𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜 / 𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘

☆12☆

Needing to say good bye... an experience I didn't want to make.

First I visited Lady Lisa and Sophie, who were busy cooking the next moring.
When I entered the kitchen both the sisters were greeting me as cheerfully as always but I couldn't being myself to make my reaction seem genuine when I walked over to them. Lisa's expression got worried. Was it really that obvious?

"Jisung, did something happen? You look so... uncomfortable." She asked and actually I didn't know how I felt. On the one hand I wanted to go back to were my life was more than anything else but on the other hand I didn't want to leave all of them.
Sophie stared at me with worry in her face but pulled herself together quickly.

"Cheer up Jisa! Tell us what happend, I'm sure we can help!"
Lisa gave her a warning look saying she shouldn't call me Jisa but the girl just smiled at me.

I took a step forward and embraced both of them in a tight hug. I didn't care if it was appropriate in this society but it just felt right.

"I'm here to say goodbye... for ever."
I mumbled and let go of them.

"But-" Lisa started a little perplexed but I had already left the kitchen. I couldn't explain them my reasons to leave anyway...

"Jisung wait!" I heard Sophie yelling but it was too late for her.

I literally ran from them when I made my way to the place where Changbin, Felix, Seungmin and I had sometimes practiced martial arts and as expected I met the 3 three of them there. The view of three armored men practicing their sword skills had become so normal to me that I wondered if I'd find it weird when never seeing that again.

"Hey Jisung!" The youngest prince shouted and waved his arm while pushing Felix down with the other hand. Probably, they were practicing close combat right now because Changbin was loudly cheering for Seungmin while Felix gave him an ironic smile.

"Dare to fight me Prince Seungmin?" I shouted at him and the others looked up at me now too.
Seungmin who let go of Felix took fighting stance and waited for me to attack his eyes shining with excitement.
One last fight with them... I wanted to do that at least.

"Haha good luck Jisung." Felix said while laughing. I actually didn't stand a chance against Seungmin but I'd never stop trying because I knew he enjoyed it teaching me.

I took a step forward and tried to land a hit on his side but he took my wrist and pulled me forward causing me to trip over his foot. Then he pulled my arm down and I landed on the ground on my back.

"Still making the same mistakes" the prince sighed and helped me up.

"Hey Seungmin! Are you beating up children again?!" We suddenly heard Hyunjin yelling from further away before I could make out his figure quickly walking in our direction.

"When did I ever-?!" The younger prince felt awkward with Hyunjins joke but realized it wouldn't help to speak against him.

"It's just combat training" Changbin told him but the older kept his eyes on Jisung.

"It looked more like a one sided beating up to me... Seungmin, you're seriously too aggressive. Do you see how messed up he looks like?" He raised an eyebrow at his brother and pointed at me.
I had to admit he had a point although Seungmin had always went easy on me. He wasn't agressive but focused.

Standing there laughing in a circle with all four of them seemed like the perfect opportunity to finally do what I came here for. Again, I had to force myself to begin.
A little tensed I cleared my throat so everyone's attention was on me.

"You know, all four of you really mean a lot to me. I've not lived here for that long but the time I spent with you was amazing."

"Why the sudden reveal of your honorable feelings for your friends?" Felix asked after they had stood there in perplexity for a moment.
He smiled when he spoke but there was something tainted about it... as if he already expected that this was a goodbye. Why else would I have spoken in the past tense after all?

This wouldn't be easy...

"Because... I have to leave."
Again silence filled the chilly air that soon felt like it was pressing down on me.

Changbin put his hand on my shoulder and failed to hide the shock in his question.

"But why, Jisung? I thought you liked the palace?"
I took his hand off of my shoulder begrudgingly.

"Yes, I like the palace but the place I belong is somewhere else... and I'm not going to be able to come back if I go."

"Jisung, you lived in the palace all your life... how could it not be the place where you belong?" Seungmin was still in denial but I had already expected them to ask this question.

"I cannot remember anything that happened before I had that accident. It might seem strange to you but I am not the same person as the Han Jisung you might have seen before..."

Instead of answering, Hyunjin was the first to pull me closer and embrace me in a tight hug. The others followed so I was surrounded by their warmth. So that was how a real hug felt like...
Why were my eyes beginning to build tears again?

"Guys, you don't need to worry. It's not like I'll die." I tried to explain to them but Hyunjin just hugged me even tighter.

"I don't want you to leave Jisung but I also know that I cannot stop you... still, having you around was like temporarily leaving all the corruption and stress behind and learning to enjoy myself more... I have no idea how a person that lost their memory can have such a strong personality but I admire it. We all do."

I couldn't remember for how long we stood like that nor how I managed to leave them after that. It was difficult but I didn't look back. My decision was already made.

It got even worse when I met Chan and Wonpil in the afternoon because Changbin had alread told them that I'd leave.
It was one of those rare moments in which I got to see the second prince running. Unfortunately him and Wonpil were now blocking my way.

I didn't dare to look into his eyes.

"Jisung... what does all of this mean? You have no other family and you lived in my part of the palace for almost your whole life... why do you want to leave? Where are you planing to go? D- did I do something wrong?"

Seeing how shattered he spoke it felt like I had just hurt him worse than what I had ever experienced. The Han Jisung he knew was part of his family but I couldn't explain to him why I wasn't able to fill in that spot.

"I cannot tell you where I' headed but I'd be regretting it if I didn't use the chance I have. It is not your fault, you're like an older brother to me and that didn't change when I lost my memories." These words were most definitely a lie since I couldn't speak for the other Han Jisung... but in the time I had spent here, Chan had definitely taken the role of an older brother in a way.

"I don't understand this..." the prince quietly whispered with a shaky voice and his older brother tried comforting him. Prince Wonpil hadn't known me for that long, to him I was only the friend of his brothers so he gladly wasn't affected much by it.

"Prince Wonpil, please take care of Chan and make sure he doesn't follow me" I told him and let of go of them to leave.

"Jisung! Promise to come back one day!" Chan shouted and I stopped. Then I slightly turned my head but yet couldn't see the princes.

"I'm afraid this is a good bye for ever."
I whispered and quickly continued running away from them before I'd start crying. From far away I could hear Wonpil's voice."Chan you can't stop him! It's his decision!"

"NO! I w- won't let him go!"

Soon I was too far away and just heard my own sobs. But it wasn't over... the biggest barrier was still in front of me.
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