One Last Chance |6| The Ascension

Chapter Four: The Gratitude of Many

Later that evening, Wanda met the Doctor in one of the TARDIS' many corridors. She raised her eyebrows at the pair of steaming teas he was carrying. "Is she alright?"

The Doctor shrugged. "As good as can be expected. I, er... I made you one, too. In the kitchen."

Wanda smiled, surprised. "Thanks." He made to walk away, but she stopped him. "Oh, while I've got you... It was just an idea, but I wanted to do something for Mum. To help take her mind off all the bad things that have happened. Except..." She shrugged, spreading her arms. "What do you get for a woman who has literally all of time and space? Any ideas?"

"Er..." The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Oh, actually, there was something..."

***

One of the worst things about losing a limb had to be how many times you went to do something you used to love, only to realise you couldn't any more. So it was for McKenzie. Part of her wanted to carry on like normal, to pretend nothing was wrong and that she was just as capable as she had always been. That she was still the Doctor's equal. But she struggled to believe it herself.

Even if she put aside the fighting, even if she vowed never again to enter combat, the chasm between who she was and who she had been was immense. She couldn't even play the piano like she used to. Schubert, when he had taught her to play Fantasia in F minor, had not had the foresight to teach her to play her part with one hand, and it wasn't the easiest thing to learn. What kind of tantalising torture was this, to be able to hear the music, to remember so clearly how her hands should move, only to find herself incapable of performing the act.

When the Doctor returned, it was to find she had all but given up. "You look like you need this," he commented.

McKenzie met his eyes, accepting the cup of tea. "I'm always in need of a cuppa, so that was an easy guess."

He rolled his eyes. "Ha ha. You need to give yourself a break with all this stuff." He gestured towards the piano, taking a seat on the bench next to her. "Give it time. You keep trying to do all these things, but you can't. Not yet. You'll drive yourself mad trying."

"I might already be at that stage," she admitted, sighing. She placed her mug atop the piano, then closed the cover over the keys. "I just wanted one little thing that hadn't changed. Something I could still do."

"Kez, you just saved a star system," the Doctor pointed out.

Now it was McKenzie's turn to roll her eyes bitterly. "That wasn't a victory. All we had left of him, and I let it go. Is it ever going to stop hurting?"

The Doctor bit his lip, putting his arm around her shoulders. "I keep forgetting you've never done this before."

Her eyes widened; she glanced up at him. "And I keep forgetting you have. I can't imagine what it must be like to do this over and over."

"I can't imagine what it must have been like to see it happen," he returned. "It doesn't ever stop hurting. But you do get used to it. It becomes familiar, like an old war wound, like an aching scar. And every good thing you do becomes a monument to them. Their legacy. Will lives on in our memories, and our love, and in the way that you will never be the same again. Today, your love for him saved billions of lives."

"You would have figured something out," she excused.

"But I didn't," he countered. "And the Sun Singers of Akhat knew that. Which is why they wanted you to have these." He showed her the bottle of red pills. "Because you saved them. You and no one else. No matter what else you do, you are and always will be the saviour of worlds."

McKenzie shook her head in denial, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth," he assured her.

"No, it's not." She hesitated, not daring to meet his eyes as hers blurred with tears. "Because I would sacrifice every single world we have ever saved just to have our baby safe in my arms. Every single one. I'd let them all burn for one moment with him."

To her surprise, his lips pressed against her temple. "That doesn't make you evil, Kez. It just makes you human."

She met his eyes, biting her bottom lip. "Do you really mean that?"

He smiled sadly. "I promise."

~~~