give her love » james potter

13

Dear Mamma,

You'd probably faint at what I have to say next (you'll also yell very loudly, and get dad to run down and read this with you).

I cut my hair!

It sounds strange saying that. You'll have to reread that a few thousand times to believe it, but I feel the same way. This isn't very much like me at all. I know. But the thing is, I'm seventeen. You say that's still so young and stuff, but is it really?

I feel like at seventeen I should have something figured out. But really I feel more lost and confused every day. I'm as much of a stranger to myself as I am to someone walking past me in the street. It's a horrible thought, but it's true. Cutting my hair isn't like me at all, but it's sort of like who I want to be. Someone a little brave, someone who is bold and fun, and someone a little like you.

After I cut my hair, I realized something though. One day my hair is going to have never been touched by your hands, one day my hair is never going to be braided by you, one day every particle in me will have never known you. Except for my mind and my heart, of course. It makes me sad, but most of the time whenever I think of you I feel sad, even the happy memories are tinged through a sadness lense.

I hate that.

It's not fair at all.

But lots of things aren't fair, I guess.

Like the fact, this letter is going to be stuffed in a box under my bed. I know you're not going to have the chance to read it, but it feels better writing this out. It feels better when I pretend that you're actually going to see this.

So that's what I wanted to tell you, I cut my hair, I'm a little sad, but I feel a little brave too.

Love,

Lina

I feel like a shadow of my old self when I wake up the next day. But, I also strangely feel like a completely different person. It sounds so dramatic because I really just cut off some hair, but for some strange, it keeps feeling like I've cut off so much more.

Today's a Saturday but you could honestly call it a new year because it feels like it.

Siobhan and I are walking to the Quidditch field, to watch the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor game, when Rachels runs up to us.

"Hey," she breathes out, a little short of breath and shivering from the cold. "Are you guys gonna watch the game?" Rachel stops and looks embarrassed. "Nevermind, of course, you are. Why else would you be walking to the pitch."

Siobhan shrugs. "We could be just going on a nice stroll."

That throws Rachell off. "Wait," she furrows her brows, "your not going to the game?"

"We are," I tell her, then bite my lip. "You wanna join us?"

She smiles at me and it's something rivals the sun in its brightness. Of course, she says through it.

As we walk, I stare at our footprints on the fresh coating of snow on the ground. How as we step there's the slightest crunch, how someone else might step over it later, how at some point it won't exist anymore.

It reminds me of going to the bakery with my sister, how we'd be careful to step on fresh snow. How it was what we called leaving a mark on the world. Or just a trail for someone else to find one day.

"If I'm ever lost," Rory said matter-of-factly, "I'll leave you a trail to find me. So when I'm older and a famous actress, and perhaps, one of my fans kidnaps me or I simply just lose my way after coming home from some fancy party. I know that you'll always be able to figure out what happened."

I'd rolled my eyes, and pushed her into the store. "That's very dumb."

"Just promise, Lina. To find me."

"I promise."

After we'd sat and ate some overpriced pastry in the corner booth. Rory started talking about her new boyfriend, how she'd got the role in the school play, and basically everything possible in the universe. She was a never-ending box full of small talk and ideas and I had listened absentmindedly. Not really paying attention, just nodding and 'mhm'ing here and there. But now looking back at it, I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I'd actually tried to care and listen.

I wish I'd been a better sister.

My eyes search for footprints a little bit smaller than mine, on the ground, trees, even the sky. But they weren't there. Yet I couldn't stop looking. A promise is something you never break, at this moment I think I just knew. I'd never stop looking for footprints, for some piece of them, for my family.

Ravenclaws in the lead, surprising mostly all of us.

But it's snowing so hard that I can barely see a foot in front of me, nevertheless the players in the sky. Yet, for some reason, I can't stop searching for something, someone. It's pointless because I haven't seen them since they got introduced at the beginning, but I still continue to look.

James is nowhere to be found. I crane my head in every single direction trying to get a glance at him.

Even though James is lost, Siobhan and Rachel have found that they share many things in common. They both chatter on about some dress shop they both really like and I try to be happy, even if I feel a little left out.

"My mum's already planned out my wedding dress," Rachel laughs. "It's sweet, but the dress is horrible, it's this off white color and the sleeves are poofy and the veil is about ten yards long."

The thought floors them into a pile of laughter. I smile, awkwardly.

After listening absentmindedly, not sure if I should add something into their conversation, I just go back to watching the game.

There haven't been any points scored in the last fifteen minutes and not a single sight of the snitch, making everyone grow antsy.

Siobhan taps my shoulder. "Where's your boyfriend?"

I roll my eyes and open my mouth to correct her when I heard a gasp ripple through the audience. Confusion goes through me in waves and I look around, then see it.

James is on the ground.

authors note

to everyone who votes and takes their time to comment, thank you so much because that honestly makes my day. also sorry for taking such a long time to update, but i hope you enjoy this chapter!!