Road from Ruin

Chapter Five

I stare down at the unopened pack of cigarettes in front of me.
"You can go out for a smoke if ya want, there's a small patio on the roof." Red says noticing my longing looks.
"I've ah, never smoked before. It was one of Deans biggest pet peeves, figured it would be another act of rebellion."

Red grunts in response. Picks up the pack and heads towards the door. I follow quickly behind in what seems to be an ongoing trend. He heads up the stairs and opens the door to a rooftop deck fit with two chairs and a barbecue. With a few fairy lights, plants and pillows the patio could be incredible. I make sure to let Red know that fact, to which he grunts in response... again.

"Listen angel, you're going to take this smoke, light it and let it fill your lungs. You're going to hate it. Everyone does their first time, some are just better actors. You're going to blow out a breath and tell me how you feel."
I stare dumbfounded at him, he keeps doing these tiny little things that seem like nothing but mean the world to me. Any of my friends or family would tell me to throw them away because they're bad for you, not give me the chance to make the mistake on my own.

I take the cigarette, light it, make eye contact with Red, take a deep breath and feel my entire body fill with rebellion. I ran, didn't tell anyone where I was going, and now I'm smoking a cigarette. And then it hurts. I start to choke and cough when I feel Reds hand patting my back gently.
"Easy there Angel, burns a little huh?" He says with laughter.
"A little! My lungs are on fire! I'm never going to be the same again!"
"Yes yes I know, but how do ya feel?" He asks with his eyes flicking between my lips and my eyes.
I instinctively lick my lower lip.
"Fucking awesome Red, I feel awesome."
"Alright killer, lets put that thing out," he says as he takes the smoke, drops it and steps on it, "first act of rebellion complete, let's go order a fuckin' pizza."

Three beers and half of a large cheese pizza later I'm a little buzzed, very full, and more relaxed than I've been in years. Reds massive body takes up about 80% of the brown leather couch, with his legs spread wide and arms almost reaching the entire length. I'm curled in a small ball with my head resting on the armrest when a thought comes to mind.
"How old are you Red? I feel like you're my age but you act like you're fifty yet look like you're 20. It's very confusing."
Taking a large gulp of his beer Red makes eye contact and holds it as if to gauge my reaction to his response.
"37, that bother you?" 

12 years older than me.

"That's impossible you don't have a single wrinkle!"
He throws his head back and laughs, exposing his long and thick neck. The sound of his laugh sounds like something I should record, like it's so rare and I'm not sure when I'll hear it again.

"Thanks angel, but trust me that's how old I am. Grew up young and quick. Was on my own by 14, looked about 20 at the time. Seems like I haven't changed much since then." He says with humour still resonating in his voice.

This man makes me want to take out a notebook and write everything down so I don't miss a thing.
"Why did you join the club? How old were you?"
"Pop was the old pres. Clubs been in my blood my entire life. He got killed when I was 13 and some of the boys from the club took me in, turned me into a man and a prospect, made me who I am today. They're family."

I think about that for a moment. So young to go through so much darkness. He has been through so much in his life, it makes me feel so weak. I had a home and a family that loved me my entire life yet here I am still running away.

"Don't do that angel. Don't compare yourself to me. I went through hell and back from a very young age and ya it made me strong. Yours happened later in life, doesn't make you any less brave than I am. You got out of a bad situation some people would never be brave enough to. You should be proud."

I swear this man can read my mind.

"What's your real name?" I whisper as I look up with tears in my eyes.

"Ben." He says while staring at the floor. "Same at my dad. Don't even think anyone remembers my name. Always been called Red."

"Ben." I whisper. "Can I call you Ben instead of Red? I like it. Makes you a little less scary."

"You scared of me angel?" He looks genuinely upset. Like the thought of his scaring me disgusts him.

"Not that you'll hurt me, just... you're so unlike anyone I've ever met. It's scary. But it's exciting."

"Yeah angel you can call me Ben." He says when he finally looks at me again. "In private. Never in front of my brothers you hear me?"

"Yes Ben." I reply with my voice full of laughter. "Well thank you for the pizza, and the beer, and the hospitality, and for saving my car, and...me I guess."

"Come on don't get all sappy on me. Let's get ya into bed. Got a big day tomorrow. Gotta introduce ya to all the boys, get started on your car to see what parts we need."

"Introduce me to all the boys? I have to meet the entire club? But I've already met you and decker I think I'm good."

"You'll love em." He says as he takes my hand and helps me up from the couch. "You take the bedroom, everything ya need is in there. I'll be out here on the couch if ya need anything." 

I enter the bedroom to find a massive four post bed with fluffy white sheets and the softest looking pillows I've ever seen. I can't help myself. I run and jump right into the centre of the bed and laugh.

"What's so funny crazy lady?" Ben says from the doorframe. He leans his large body to one side and throws his head back and laughs with me. "You're a child."

"I'm sorry! A big scary guy in a biker gang named Red has the softest bed I've ever been in! This is ridiculous."

"Hey I'm a guy that knows what he likes. If I want something, I take it. Don't care what anyone thinks." He says with his eyes locked on me. I can't decide if I want to invite him into bed with me or hide from him under the covers. The only way I can describe the look in his eyes is hunger.

"Tiny thing in the middle of that big white bed. Blonde hair above your head lookin' like a halo. Didn't think you could look even more like an angel."  He says before turning away and shutting the bedroom door behind him.