Hindi naman talaga ako tahimik na tao noon, in fact I was like Lala... cheerful and full of joy.
But... yeah. Things happened.
Una... my girlfriend (now ex) broke up with me. I thought all those times na masaya kami at walang problema pero yun pala malaki na ang problema niya saken hindi ko man lang nalalaman.
Pangalawa... ang ipinalit niya saken is my bestfriend. My bud since we were 8. And fck did I ever want to have someone like him again
Pangatlo... they've been together for 2 years already in our 3 year relationship. They were apparently meeting behind my back and I'm so fucking dumb not to know.
Pang-apat... my parents set me up to a fixed marriage. A fixed marriage I don't have a say in. But with all that happened between me my ex and my friend, nawawalan na ko ng pake. Me starting not to care anymore, agreed but then
Panglima... the other party of the fixed marriage thing backed out. Why? Because of my parents... they were included in a business scandal that made them back out. Why did it affect me? Kasi ako sinisisi nila sa nangyare. Bakit? Coz I was the one who told them about the issue which was purposely hidden from them by my parents, which I don't know. So... I took all the blame again
Pang-anim... my parents treat me as a toy na kaya nilang kontrolin. I fought for my own life to live pero it ended up worse. And again kasalanan ko na naman daw kasi hindi ako nakikinig sa kanila.
I was so down and fucked up that I really wanted to die so bad. Pero everytime I try? It's not successful.
Tumalon ako sa building, nasalo ako ng airbag ng rescuers
I cut myself, I was sent to the hospital and treated
Binalak ko na magpasagasa but to no avail, I'm still alive.
Sa ilang beses na pagsubok ko sumuko na lang din ako and started to change myself and close my life to other people.
Inilipat ako ng parents ko sa ibang school because of all the mess I made for them and that's where I became the "loner" Zach that I am today.
Hindi ko na sinubukang maghanap ng kaibigan, nakakapagod na din ehh. Nakakapagod umasa at magtiwala. Sarili kong magulang di ko na makausap. It's like I'm just living to die.
But... Lala. She showed up. She showed up in my life without me even agreeing with it. It's like she forced herself to be able to open my life up and to my surprise I was really slowly opening the doors to my life.
Pero natatakot pa rin ako.
What if iwan niya lang din ako?
Oo sinabi niyang hindi pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang matakot.
Pagod na kong masaktan. Gusto ko namang sumaya ulit. Kahit ngayon lang...
Kahit kay Lala lang.
BINABASA MO ANG
You'll Be Safe Here
FanficClose your eyes Dry your tears 'Coz when nothing seems clear You'll be safe here From the sheer weight Of your doubts and fears Weary heart You'll be safe here
