It's complicated {completed}

46

2 years later

"So what do you think made you overcome your past?"

"That's a good question. A very good one haha. Well to be honest at first I ran. I ran away. I thought I could run away from myself but it's not quite helpful that wherever you might go, yourself is always coming with you. But as far as I can say, I have encountered a lot of not so nice things in my past. I was rather always seen as the sister of, the daughter of, the worker for, the worker of, the someone's someone. I was never seen as myself, as an individual, what made it hard for me to be myself. I could never. Because I was never seen nor accepted as who I am.
But coming here, starting college I was finally seen. There was no sister, no parents, no boss, no one anyone could've known before. So coming here it was just me and people just started liking me for being me you know? And god, to say realizing this was easy? Looking back it was probably one of the most painful things. People actually started liking me for being me. No one judged me or ordered me around. That might sound amazing but it was painful because it opened up my eyes about how mistreated I actually was in my past. How everyone has just left me and how fake all of my friends actually were.
But one of the things I have truly realized throughout the time I spent here, is to appreciate. Appreciate every single moment of happiness. And I am not talking about moments in which you are genuinely happy, no, even the smallest moments in which just the tiniest smile is formed on your lips. The moments in which you forget about your problems even if it's just for a second. The moments in which you don't want to actually take your own life. Appreciate these moments and embrace them. Because they are worth holding on. No matter how deep you think you are falling there is a way up. There is a way out. It is not going to be easy, it is going to be painful but with people who genuinely love and accept you and it may be only one single person, but with this person, you can make it happen. But you just have to believe in yourself. Don't give up. There is a way to make the pain stop. And you might not see it yet, but there is one.
And god I wish I could say that I just lived on, forgot about what happened in my past and forgive them but I can't. It hurt me so much and to this day I continue to ask myself why I am as not enough. What I could or should have done differently to fit in. And I wish I could stop it. I wish I could just be happy about having true friends now but I just want to know what I did wrong. Because that is what I made myself believe. That I did something wrong. But actually it was not my fault. Sometimes you simply don't fit in the circles in which you are supposed to fit in you know? And it took me years to finally understand it but now I do. And I don't want to say that I'm done and overcame everything because I didn't. Not yet. There is still way to improve, but I'm getting there and I am surrounded by people who love me and help me every day to overcome it." Mrs J takes off her big glasses and gives me a big smile. A genuine one.

"I think my job is done here Maya."

"Huh?"

"You are ready. And like you said you have beloved people around you who help you. You don't need me anymore. My job is done. And I am really proud of who you became and what you have achieved so far."

"So what now?"

"Now go and live your life. Do some remarkable mistakes. Have fun. You're only young once. Your graduation is coming up. And don't worry you'll still see me around, just not as your therapist anymore."

"Thank you." I don't know what else to say. The words are stuck in my throat but it's enough for her. She understands me and simply hugs me very tight. This woman has done so much for me and was always there for me. She was someone who saved my life.

"Hey gorgeous." I step out of the building and am greeted by most still most beautiful as ever boyfriend of now 2 and a half years.