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March 13, 20XX Friday '1:00am'
I'm leaning into someone.
Reality?
Melted in their arms, I'm snug and warm.
Or just a memory?
Using them as my own personal heater, I'm in bliss.
37°C.
The way my body sinks against them feels like it's where I belong.
My shelter.
Fear's stopping me from tilting my head back to check who I'm leaning against.
What if it's not him?
A low rumble is let out by the person, the vibration felt against my back.
Laughter.
With tears in my eyes, I throw my head back to get a look at him.
Taehyung.
He looks down at me with a huge grin, his shoulder coming up so he could hide behind it.
"Jennie."
He says my name, but this time it doesn't annoy me.
He leans down to kiss my forehead, making me close my eyes.
"Jennie."
The voice doesn't sound like him this time.
Opening my eyes, I realize he's quickly starting to become blurry, fading to white.
"Jennie."
My eyelids flutter open and I realize it's my mom calling for me.
"It's okay, sweetie. Keep pushing."
I'm crying, shaking my head. "Mom, I'm so exhausted and so hungry. I can't, I can't, I can't."
Not without Taehyung.
Not by myself.
My mom moves my hair away from my forehead, the nurse taking a break on her end.
"Sweetie, you're doing an amazing job. We can see the baby right there. A couple of more pushes and he'll be in your arms."
The nurse smiles at me. "Have that visual in your head: the baby in your arms."
I gulp hard, nodding.
The nurse grabs a towel and rolls it up before holding each end taught in her hands. "This should help, grab the middle and pull it as you push. Remember to push the way we talked about, okay?"
"Okay," I respond in a small voice.
"Alright, a contraction's coming up...3...2...1...pull!"
I pull the towel toward me, pushing as hard as I could.
Then, I do it again.
And again.
And again, until we're finally calling for the doctor because the moment is here.
The moment is finally here.
I put my all in the final push, being rewarded in the end.
My eyes immediately search my doctor's arms, tears staining my eyes.
Worry starts to settle in.
Is he okay?
Is my baby okay?
I start to ask my mom, but she gently rests her hand on my shoulder, the smile on her face putting me at ease.
The doctor quickly suctions the baby and it's not long before a cry rings out in the room.
It's loud and strong and all the nurses are joking about what strong lungs the baby has.
And I'm crying and laughing from this huge wave of relief that doesn't go completely away until the little bean finds his place on my chest.
When he lays on me, all is still and almost silent. The only sound heard was that of the baby lullaby playing through all the speakers in the unit.
Looking down at my baby's little face, I realize that I could never love anything the way I will love him.
"Congratulations, you did it." The nurse cheers for me.
I let out a little laugh, the corner of my eyes spilling tears.
