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March 14, 20XX Saturday
It was stupid believing Taehyung was going to visit yesterday.
What did I expect?
He was going to rush over as soon as he landed?
"Miss?" The lactation specialist, Sunmi, kindly pokes her head in the room.
I look up from feeding Yejoon, forgetting my thoughts.
"I'm just checking if everything is going okay so far."
Looking down at Yejoon feeding, I only have one concern.
"I think Yejoon latched really well, but I'm worried he isn't getting anything. He's hungry almost every 10 minutes."
I just can't keep up anymore.
Sunmi smiles and steps in. "You're doing amazing. In the first few days, you may just be getting colostrum but even that is important for the baby. I encourage you to keep trying. Mind if I show you more comfortable ways of breastfeeding?"
I nod my head, allowing Sunmi to come into my space and teach me.
"Yejoon seems to be a peaceful baby." Sunmi compliments. "You're really lucky. You won't believe how many parents haven't even gotten any rest yet."
I laugh lightly. "Yejoon's got his moments, but I think so too. He only cries when he's hungry or tired."
Rubbing Yejoon's chubby cheek with my thumb, I watch as his eyelids close, his little lips parted after a successful feeding.
Sunmi's smile reaches her eyes as she melts over Yejoon's cuteness. "Will your parents be coming again tonight?"
I give her a reassuring nod. "Right after work, my mom will be here for me."
"That's great. You have a good support system."
She gives my arm a light squeeze before excusing yourself.
I sigh after she exits the room.
Even though she probably didn't mean anything by it. I feel like I look like a young single mother in her eyes. I know she only means to help find me support in any way, but I can't help but feel pitiful.
Yejoon's lips smack and I look down to watch him stir only slightly before remaining cozy and asleep.
I pull over the basinet closer and attempt to lift myself so I can place Yejoon inside it, but upon doing so, I feel immense pain.
I grit my teeth and sit back down.
Gravity is your worst enemy during recovery, at least that's what I learned.
Attempting one more time, I bite down hard on my lip, the burn too much for me to handle in the end.
Defeated, I stay seated, tears brimming my eyes.
Why am I doing this all alone?
The only sound in my room is coming from the TV and the hallway, but other than that the quietness keeps reminding me of my loneliness.
I stay seated on the bed, mindlessly in my thoughts as tears cloud my vision.
I'm so helpless.
I can't even place Yejoon in his bassinet.
I start to wipe my tears with my left arm, eventually stopping to just cry into it.
I wish that someone was here with me, but my friends have school, my parents are at work, and Taehyung is missing.
Sniffling, I look up to the TV, mindlessly watching at first, but then I easily recognize the person on the screen.
I laugh dryly.
With anger running through me, I turn up the volume to hear about why Taehyung was on the news.
The news was reporting about Taehyung's participation in one of Scenery Studio's events. It was the Skál d'arte and apparently it was a big deal. The reporter eagerly announced Taehyung's success in winning the entire thing.
So this was what was more important?
Continuing, the reporter elaborated how as a Korean, Taehyung was bringing more recognition about the talent our country had to offer. It was all great, really, but I just couldn't find myself being happy for him.
The segment continued with a clip of Taehyung and it must've been right after the competition. He was bowing and talking about how great it was that he was getting all these opportunities from Scenery from here forward.
"...I promise that I'll continue to honor our country. I hope to spread positive messages through art, so please anticipate my artwork as the new artist 'V'."
With a smile, he holds up two fingers by his eyes.
My eyes widen.
As his fingers went up, I felt a range of emotions. The sign I felt was solely for me was now out to the whole world.
The sign that held so much meaning to me, the peace sign, took on a new meaning at this moment.
