Jacket Slut

Chapter four: sleep

Sparrow's pov
   
     Finally home, home sweet home, back to my isolation, back to my own heaven and hell all in one.
     "All settled in?" Gerard asked. To that I simply nodded my head. "I'll be on my way then, so long."
     "And goodnight." I whispered under my breath as gerard walked out.
     Wow, what a night, I stayed in gerard mother fucking ways hotel room with him. I flopped onto my bed, after the events in the cat with mom my skin hungered for the iorn sting of my razor blade.
     "Fuck." I mumbled realizing that Jordan  had thrown my last razor out in a fit of anger. Looks like I'll have to take apart another one great. I walked to my bathroom and grabbed one of the many extra razors and began shakily pulling it apart. A knock at the door made me pause but only for a second, whoever it is isnt as important as this, my only escape. I fumbled ad the knock came yet again and I cut my finger.
     "Sparrow sweetie let me in." A voice coated in sugar sang.
     I ignored it, all mother ever wants to do is ruin things, first my childhood, next my social life, and now, now she wants to invade on something that I need to escape my head.
     "Sparrow, dear I'm sorry, honey let me in please." Mother sang.
     I ignored her, she'll go away eventually, she'll give up, like she always does, its inevitable. I focused on taking the razor apart, piece by boring piece.
     "I'll just be on my way then I guess, goodbye Sparrow." Mother said in a fake pouty voice.
     I'm alone again, I put the razor to my wrist, and draw a straight red line down my arm, then again and again and again, I keep repeating the movement over and over and over, each time releasing some terrible thought, until I'm all out of thoughts except for the one of sleep, so I washed and wrapped my arm, right before passing out on the bathroom floor.
     "You shouldnt have done that." Gerard frowns down at me, extending a hand to me on the floor.
     "How, why are you in my house?! Get out now go!" I shrieked throwing toothpaste and all other projectiles I can at him, ashamed of being seen in this state, with my arms bleeding rapidly, without stop.
      Suddenly I yanked my head up, it was a dream gerard hadn't seen me, he didnt come back, he didnt break into my home. I look down at my arms, bloody, I get up, rewash them and rewrap them. I made my way to the kitchen, looking for something to eat.
       What's the point in eating? You'll just gain more weight fat pig
     With that thought I walked back to my room and sat on the bed.
     You dont deserve to be able to sleep on a bed whore, get on the floor.
      Great, the voice is back. I would gladly ignore it if I could but when that's all I hear no stop until i do as it says it's hard to avoid.
     Blankets go on beds, did I not just tell you worthless cunt to stay off the bed?! Put it on the bed NOW!
     I let a tear escape my eye, right before putting the blanket back in the bed and lying on the frozen floor.
     Dont even think about turning the damn tv on, you dont deserve it, why even bother?
     I played on the ground and began bawling, "damn it, damn it, damn it, you worthless bitch just kill yourself!" I screamed at myself throwing my fists on the ground at my sides like a toddler.
     I began ripping the bandages off my arms with great speed, reopening many of my cuts. As they began to ooze blood I realized this was it, the pain is finally over, I can let go if this life, smiling i slipped into unconsciousness.