The Aftermath (Reddie)

38

Eddie's POV

My breathing stopped.

Was I gay?

Did I want to admit it to myself?

Definitely not.

I wasn't that much of a dumbass to not realize that wanting to kiss and make out and just see my best friend happy wasn't gay.

But I didn't want to even come out to myself.

If I labelled myself than I would live in fear. I would live in constant fear. I would be ridiculed.

Derry would hate me.

I didn't want to be hated.

So the answer was no then.

I wasn't gay, simply because it was too much of an inconvenience, I couldn't be gay.

I looked up into Richie's eyes, to tell him the news.

He was searching my face, studying every detail.

He looked tired, the dark circles under his eyes as proof. His skin was pale too. He obviously didn't sleep well. There were finger nail marks in his arms, pinches. I remembered the habit he had whenever he was stressed, a quick pinch here and there.

He looked stressed all around, I hadn't noticed before. Had he always looked this stressed? No, it was because he was gay.

After the clarification tonight, it all made sense. Why Richie was always harassed more than the other losers, why Richie started to be mocked as fairy more than myself, why Richie started wearing more plain patterns instead of his colorful Hawaiian shirts.

He had endured all sorts of harassment over the years. Richie was so fucking strong.

I couldn't lie to him. It was worse than lying to myself. How was I supposed to lie to his face knowing that he was living through hell but honest.

I was gay.

"You don't have to answer..." Richie said quietly.

I had to. I had to answer. I owed it to him.

I nodded.

Richie sucked in a breath.

"I am gay," I confirmed more definitely, "so fucking gay."

I looked back up at his face, he was grinning.

"You mean it?" he said in such an innocent voice that I was shocked, Richie was never innocent.

"Yes you dip," I felt more confident now, freer, "I fucking kissed you on several occasions!"

Richie laughed and I joined.

"True," he shrugged then he furrowed his brow, "wait does that mean....you like me?"

Nope. I'm not dealing with that right now.

"It's fucking cold," I whispered with terror and sprinted back to Bill's house.

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I'm so tired and I have a lot of homework but instead I'm giving you content so your welcome and I'm gonna fail.

Peace