The Aftermath (Reddie)

43

3rd Person POV

School was in session.

Richie was sitting in his math class, daydreaming.

He could afford not paying attention, trig came easy for him. Sin, Cosine, Tangent, and their reciprocals, it was like the alphabet for him.

Daydreaming probably wasn't the right word, day-nightmare-ing, was more accurate.

Ever since he had confessed his feelings to Eddie, he felt paranoid. Richie didn't feel like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders, he felt like more was placed on.

When he was just crushing from afar, he was safe. No one had known. Well, minus basically all of the losers.

Even though the whole school had heard that he was gay, he could still go and make out with some dame to protect himself.

Sure now he had kissed his crush of five-ish years, and it had felt fucking fantastic, but now he was expected to be out and proud.

He couldn't do that.

Richie was comfortable in the closet.

He really and truly liked Eddie, but he didn't know if he could actually pursue a relationship with him, it was too scary.

And he couldn't get the events of that one summer out of his head.

How Bowers had screamed at him, called him a faggot, mortified him. How he tried to find solstice on the park bench but was rudely interrupted by Pennywise.

He couldn't get the creepy smile of that damn lumberjack out of his head. Richie was reminded of the torment and harassment he had received over the years.

The slurs, the beatings, and worst of all; when the guys would taunt and tease him...touching his thighs, grazing his skin, trying to palm him. It haunted him still. He had tried to bury those memories with the stupid killer clown ones, but no luck. Some how it was easier to forget almost getting killed than it was forgetting the homophobia he had received.

And Eddie didn't know about any of it.

Richie couldn't bear the thought of Eddie ever having to go through that shit.

Which was exactly what was going to happen if he pursued a relationship with Eddie. But it would be worse because of Eddie's size.

Richie sighed and put his head in his hands, "Fuck," he cursed quietly.

He knew what he should do, what he had to do.

Even though it pained him so, he knew it was the right choice.

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I'm so sorry for the long wait and short chapter. Plus it's angsty.

Probs bc I am angsty rn, I'm sick and tired and I hurt my foot and my mom is really making my mental health plummet.

I am trying my hardest to keep this book alive but it has been rlly hard to stay awake.

I was hoping to write more than this but I'm fucking tired and I already said that holy shit. Also, I ghosted someone on snapchat when I thought they were ghosting me and now I feel bad.

Hopefully I will have more content once school is out for break.

Holy shit I love to complain