Hello Everybody, how do you do?I'm a 16 year old anonymous and I would love to share my mind with you.I forgot that this was a rant book, but I haven't really ranted about anything in here, so today I'm going to do some ranting.So i'm going to jump into my rant topics in order of Titles, okay?
Rant Topic 1: I am a 16 year old girl, and I have yet to receive my first kiss.
I know, i'm not the only 16 year old girl with this "problem," when quite frankly it shouldn't really be a problem. I'm almost an adult and all the kids in my school talk about who they did it with, or who they're staying after school to make-out with. Girls that I've known since middle school are having sex, and some have even gotten pregnant. Then there is little innocent me who still hasn't been kissed by a boy. No it's not sad, no I don't really want it, but I find it quite weird that no boy in my school finds me even the slightest bit attractive. My baby sister got her first kiss at the age of 1, in daycare by her baby boyfriend. THEY WERE TODDLERS, AND SHE STILL GOT HER FIRST KISS BEFOR ME. The other time I've witnessed her being kissed was when she was 6 years old, and her bestfriend confessed his love for her, and kissed her right in front of our house. I dragged her ass into the house so fast, and slammed the door right in that boys face. With all this happening around me, I should start PANICKING!
Yes, what if I do get kissed. But what if I do in college? What a nightmare that would be to be getting a first kiss in a place where good girls are contemplating if they should give away their virginities or not. No, I am not that crazy psycho 8th grade girl anymore. I'm just curious about a relationship. I'm curious about how it works, i'm curious on how to kiss someone. Yes, I know that this isn't a movie or a teenage child's book series, but I feel helpless over here. I seriously don't know what i'm doing anymore in terms of my curiosity.
Rant Topic 2: I forgot what it feels like to have a crush
How do you forget how it feels like to have a crush, just pick one and crush on them. I know. But it's not as easy as it used to be for me back in my childhood. All I can think about now is how to study, or explain to my teachers that I fell asleep writing the lab report that was due forever ago, and I cant quite seem to stop sleeping. I have no time to look at the countless handsome boys that go to my school. I cant seem to lift my head off the floor to peek at one cute guy. Everytime I see a guy, all I see is a guy. Nothing special. It's not as easy as it used to be anymore. I don't know how to let my imagination run as wild as it used to when it came to love. I just don't.
When I was a young girl just getting interested in boys, my imagination ran really wild. My crush could accidently skip his eyes at me and I would have 2 pages of diary content just from that. But now, if a boy stared at me for 3 whole minutes, looking deeply into my eyes, speaking from the bottom of his heart, guess what? I WOULD NOT GIVE A RATS ASS, and that scares me. I don't want to be asexual, and believe it or not, i'm not attracted to my body or myself. So I cant be asexual. I'm not attracted to girls either. Boys sometimes catch my eyes but then I don't care anymore. I don't feel human anymore. All I want to do is sleep, but somehow I am afraid of death.
I want a crush but it's so hard to find one. I'm 16 years old, and I don't even know how to flirt with a guy. The furthest I've gone, is accidently bumping my legs together with a guy while playing a card game called spoons with some other group of friends.
Rant Topic 3(Last one because this is looking kinda long): I miss my old friends.
I miss my old friends and it's something that everyone probably go through. Yes, I have new friends, but its sometimes great to chat with a familiar stranger once every now and then. I'm almost done with highschool, and I was invited to speak at a conference just recently, and I got a chance to speak to one of my old early middle school friends, just to find out that she feels miserable. Missing old times. And Ik it's weird hearing from a child about "old times". But just because it was 5 years ago doesn't mean that it still doesn't feel like an eternity ago.
Any old friends I have, or just anybody, feel free to message me because I am so bored with my life right now, and I honestly don't know what to do.
