[Finished] Living Among the Dead

47. The Key

I hear Kal yell, "Open the gates, its Rick!" And go out to meet him, Daryl holding Gracie and I holding Hope. I watch as Judith is handed to Rick, then walk away. Daryl follows me, "You haven't said a word to me since Mason."
"What do you want me to say?" I ask him, as I open the door to our trailer.
"Anythin', just talk to me."
"I'm mad, Daryl. No, I'm pissed. If you'd had just... came back with him, he'd have never gone looking for you! Is that what you want to hear? That I'm pissed at you? That I'm so mad everytime I see you that I just want to- to... I don't even know, Daryl. My blood boils everytime I look at you. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself for blaming you. So just give me some time to stop being so mad. So that I can forgive you. So I can figure out how to remember how much I love you."
"Yeah... okay." He nods.
"Let's bring Grace and Hope to Nabila and then go talk to Rick."
"Okay," he says again.

We find Rick next to Mason's grave, staring at it. I have to look away, unable to speak.
"You know, I-I look around and I think about the people that are gone and the people that are still here." Daryl says, and I look up at him. He's talking to Rick. "It ain't right. And it ain't fair. Look, about what I did at Sanctuary, trying to end it real quick... I just wanted it done. I didn't want to give them another chance, not again. And I didn't care who was there. I don't know if that makes it right or-"
"It does." Rick interrupts him. "I didn't want to risk killing innocent people. I should've just been worrying about our people. Hell with anyone else."
"We'll keep fighting... Until you're ready."
"I'm ready. Maggie's got lookouts out there."
"Every half-mile, waiting to signal each other, I know."
"Yeah. I'm going, too. To make sure we're all ready."
"I'll go with you."
"Me too." I speak up, I notice Daryl's look out of the corner of my eye, but know he won't argue.
"We should split up. We're covering as much ground as we can." Rick suggests.
"All right."
"I'm okay."
"Yeah? Okay." Daryl says softly.
"I'm gonna be okay." Rick looks between Daryl and I. "Are you two? After Mason, how are you two doing?"
"We're going to be okay. We all will." I mumble.
Rick nods, and then goes to walk away, but stops, "Daryl... Thank you, for getting them here."
Daryl nods and allows Rick to walk away.
I glance at Mason's grave, and then sigh, "We will be okay... I just need some time."
"Okay."

I hear a man over the radio instructing us, "If you see 'em coming, hit your horn. That'll start the handoff. Stick to the plan, don't engage."

I glance at the back of Daryl's head, "Do we even have a horn?" I ask.
"Mmhmm. Sorta. It'll do." I nod, but don't respond. I know he can't see me nodding, but decide it'll have to do.
"'m sorry." Daryl says after a while's silence.
I sigh and get off the bike, leaning against a tree trunk near the road.
He lays the bike down, getting off as well and leaning on the next tree over, "I thought by sending him home, I'd be keeping him safe, like ya asked... I didn't think he'd come after me. I didn't want ya worryin' so I sent him home to tell ya we was fine. And now. Now it's my fault he's gone, and I'm so sorry," I hear his voice break and don't dare look at him. If he's crying, I know I'll start crying again myself, and I just can't cry anymore.
"Why couldn't you have waited and came back with him, then you could have gone on your failed vigilante trip. Why did you have to go in the first place? There was a plan..."
"I wanted Negan dead. I wanted him dead so I could finally sleep, so I didn't keep one eye open to keep ya and the kids safe. I still want him dead."
"I don't." I reply.
"What?!" Daryl shouts, I see him hop off from his tree angrily and he stands in front of me, glaring me down.
"I want him to suffer. He shouldn't get off so easily, not after what he took from us. He should have to live a long miserable life being tortured daily. He should have to be forced into living with the shit he's done to us. He should have to suffer..."
Daryl nods, the anger seems to melt away before my eyes. A sad far away look replaces it. "I've failed you, again. I couldn't save your husband... I was minutes too late to save Aaron, and now..." his voice breaks and his face crumbles with regret, guilt and grief. "Now I've caused Mason's death too. Ya shouldn't stay with me. We shouldn't be okay after this. I sure as hell won't be okay. Ya can't forgive me, not ever, y' hear. Don't fucking forgive me, not for this one."
I reach out to pull him into a hug, one I think we both need desperately, but he jerks back, "Don't try to comfort me. Dammit, I might as well have been the one to pull the damn trigger. I killed Mason, Anne. I'm the reason 's dead. So don't fucking comfort me."

[A.N.] Okay... so another short emotion filled chapter... what do you think is in store for our lovebirds? Will they make it through this?