[Finished] Living Among the Dead

55. The Obliged

"So you don't want Negan dead?" Daryl asks, angrily.
I glance at our toddlers, checking to make sure they're still asleep before responding as calmly as I can, "Of course I do, Daryl. I just don't agree with us having let Cyndie and Ocean Side murder Arat. She was trying, trying to be one of us, and we..." I close my eyes as the sounds of Arat's begging us to save her, sounds in my ears. "We let-"
"We let Cyndie get the revenge she deserved."
"We might as well have killed her ourselves," I bite back.
"I owe Maggie."
I eye him for a moment, not responding. I know he still blames himself for Glenn's death. I also know that I'm not Rick's biggest fan... but to have let those women do what they did... it still haunts me.
Every time I close my eyes I hear Arat's screams filling my ears.
They mix with the screams of every one else we've lost and then I can't breathe. My chest starts to tighten, and then the sharp pains start. Pains that feel worst than any injury I've had so far, and it becomes harder for me to keep myself in the present... but I can't tell him any of that, I can't explain that I don't want any more blood on my hands. Because that's what this'll be. Another death that I aided in, that I helped happen.
"Okay," I whisper, "What can I do?"
"Hold down the camp, just... just make sure no one suspects anything."
I nod, "Okay."
"You're on our side, with this one?"
I nod again, "I'm always on your side, even when I don't agree with it. I'll always have your back. I'll always be helping you, no matter what."
"C'mere," he offers, holding out his arms. I hesitate, before running into them, feeling his embrace engulf me, calming my racing heart.
He leans down so he can look me in my eyes, "If we don't do this, thing'll keep getting bad."
I shake my head, mumbling, "Things are already bad. We do this, we lose any help we have from the Saviors."
"We've already lost 'em. It don't matter anymore."
I nod slowly, but as he places his lips on mine, and my eyes shut, I hear the screaming.
I feel Daryl's hand on my lower back and my chest begins to tighten painfully, but when I gasp, he assumes I did it out of adreneline.
Out of passion.
So he deepens the kiss, his tongue making its way into my mouth and I can't breathe.
He's too close.
The world starts spinning around me and I pull myself forcefully from Daryl's grasp, going to the ground and gripping my sides, trying to get the pain to stop.
"Wh-whats happening?" He asks, worriedly.
I shake my head, tears streaking down my face, I can hear his voice as though from underneath a body of water.
The pain is unbearable, I want it to stop, I want everything to stop.
"What to stop? Anne, talk to me."
"I'm fine," I manage to gasp out, it sounds weak.
I sound weak...
I am weak.
"Bullshit, what's happening, what can I do?"
I shake my head, forcing myself to stand up, the thought I'm having a heartattack, crosses my mind.
But no, I'm too young, there's no history in my family.
I move slowly to the bed I share with Daryl and lay down, curling up into the fetal position, praying that the pain will end, that maybe it'll just take me out and I won't have to worry about anything any more.
The screams stay in my head, echoing around the walls of our tent.
Daryl, Maggie, Anne!
Please!
Don't let them!
I'm one of you!
I'm one of you!
Please!
I see her pleading eyes as she kneels infront of Cyndie.
As she begs for her life.
Tears streaming down her face.

I walk out of our tent the next morning to see Daryl peeling apples with his knife, giving them to our kids and eating some as well. He's watching Rick and Eugene.
Eugene's speaking, "I am truly very sorry I didn't do more. Maybe if I'd just, well, read more books. Engineering, motivational, or otherwise... Maybe we would've... Maybe we could've..."
"Don't do that," Rick interrupts him.
"What?"
"You're not just a guy who read some books. You made something. You got us here. After everything; that's everything."
"What's that about?" I ask as Rick walks away.
"The bridge ain't gonna get fixed in time before the river takes it out."
I nod slowly, "So we can go home?" I ask, glancing at Paul as he makes grabby hands to me. I smile as I pick him up.
"What happened last night?" Daryl asks.
I shake my head, gesturing to the kids, "Nothing, it happens sometimes," I boop Paul's nose saying in a baby voice, "Yes it does, yes it does."
I glance at Daryl who looks worried, "Plan happens today."
I nod, "I'll stick around here until you give me the say so."
He nods, "Then we'll talk. Jesus probably misses the kids, he can take them."
"Okay," I respond, not wanting to argue; but also knowing I have no plans on explaining my condition to him. Hell, I don't know what's happening to me.
"Got somethin' for you, jefe." Jerry says, riding up on his horse along side where Rick just came out of Carol's tent.
"What is it?" Rick asks.
"Maggie's running down to Alexandria. Jesus thought you should know, pronto."
I glance pointedly at Daryl. Thank you, Jesus.
"When did she leave?"
"Dunno. Call just came in from the Hilltop relay."
"Did he say anything else?"
"Just that you'd know what that means. Sorry, man, that's all I got."
"No. No. Thanks, Jerry." Rick starts rushing past the tents. Calling in on his radio. "Alexandria Relay One, this is Rick Grimes. Come in, please." We can't hear what AR One is saying, just Rick's part. "AR One, I need you to get an urgent message to Alexandria. If Maggie Rhee shows up, delay her at the gate and alert Michonne right away. Do not, I repeat. Do not let her in without an escort. Over."
"Show time," Daryl says, standing up.
I give him a peck on his cheek, "Please, be careful."
"Yeah." He nods, hugging me briefly and ruffling Gracie's hair.
"And, Maggie, if you're listening; let's talk." I hear Rick say as Daryl appraches him.
"Hey. What's goin' on?"
"Maggie's headed to Alexandria. She's about do something she might regret."
"Hop on," Daryl offers, gesturing to his bike. "I'll take you."
"You sure? We got enough fuel?"
"Yeah. We'll get there quicker."
They get on the bike and leave.
"Where's daddy goin'?" Gracie asks.
"To talk with Uncle Rick."
"Why?" Hope asks.
"Because Uncle Rick is making some calls daddy and Auntie Maggie don't agree with. He'll be back soon, it's okay."

I stand next to Carol, pulling my gun out as the Saviors come running up on us.
"Where'd you get the gun, Jed?" Carol asks just above whisper.
"Alden wasn't as quick as you. Surprised me, too."
My breath catches, Alden...
"How about we all lower our weapons. Nobody gets hurt today."
"That's right," Jed seethes. "Listen to the woman. Drop your guns. Party's over. See, uh, I took the scenic route, but I figured it out. Oceanside's killing us. So now, being that it's war, they're gonna get what's comin' to 'em."
"Stop it, Jed. You're gonna get everybody killed."
"Excuse me, Carol. You ain't bosslady no more. You're a weak little woman who got in a lucky shot. And now listen to what I say. Now, step aside." I click my gun as he does, not lowering my weapon, but Carol does, and she moves aside, but as Jed goes for her keys, she kicks his leg out from underneath him, yelling, "No!"
A gun fires, echoing in our ears, my heart pounding painfully in my chest as I shoot down Jed, hitting his shoulder.
More gunfire sounds, I have to focus on breathing as I continue the fight. Shooting at the people who are shooting at my loved ones. My heart hammering as the gunshots echo in my ears and Arat's screams join the sounds of battle.
My kids are in the tent, right next to where this is happening.
They are in danger, I can't lose it right now.
I can't let this happen.
I can't lose it.
I can't be weak.

[A.N.] This was a fun episode to write, but also to watch while writing. I like the thought that when Rick decides to stay back, he tells Daryl to go, go protect his family. Because he would. He'd tell Daryl to go home to his wife and kids and save them. That he'd save them by leading the dead away.