Curves 2

Chapter 12

* Almost forgot the drama with Jamel!*

Zoe

"I said I don't want to talk anymore!" I yelled.

"We haven't even started!" Isaiah yelled back. This is another of many fights we've had the past few weeks. Isaiah keeps bringing up kids and I keep shutting him down. "When we were dating all we talked about was having a family together? What the fuck has changed?"

"I'm still trying to get over what happened and you know that!"

"That's bull shit Zoe! You won't even let me touch you!"

"Zay, I'm really not in the mood for this. We'll talk about this later."

He scuffed. "Every time we talk about this it's 'we'll talk later'. It's fucking later Zoe! I'm tired of pushing this shit to the side!"

"I said I don't want to talk," I yelled before slamming the door to my room. I sat on the edge of the bed as I heard heavy rushed footsteps stomp away. I couldn't even breathe until the front door slam shut. I fell back on the bed. I was staring at the ceiling in a daze when tears came to my eyes. I balled up and began crying. 

This was not what I wanted. This was not how I pictured my life. I wanted to be married and have lots of kids. A happy healthy marriage unlike my parents broken one. My father was a major hoe for as long as I could remember. I knew all the excuses. 'Working late'. 'Business trip'. 'She's just a coworker'. I heard it all. My mother knew it too. She always pretended like it didn't bother her but it did. I saw the pain she went through and vowed to never go through the same. I should've known it would've back fired and I'd turn into the person I hate most. I'm ruining my marriage, my life.

The fighting is so bad we're permanently sleeping in separate rooms. Isaiah now sleeps in the guest room he had been dreaming of turning into his child's bedroom while I spent most nights alone in our bedroom. A couple of times Jamel has snuck in and we did it but it was rare. Ever since he got me pregnant he's been hanging around less and less. Which is good. It gives me time to think, really think over my options. And they're never good. 

I could go against Jamel. Get the abortion and pretend I was never pregnant. He's gone most of the time so I could pull it off right? But even if I did, he'd just plan a away to let what we've been doing slip to Isaiah. He'd be crush. He'd definitely divorce me. I don't want that. 

I could do what Jamel said. Sleep with him and wind up pregnant. He'd think the baby was his. But that means I'd have to sleep with him. I can't. I have herpes. I can't give that to him. That's something he'll have for the rest of his life. My secret will come out. He'll divorce me and I'll be left with a baby and no father around. I can't let that happen.

Then there's a third option that had been sitting on my conscious for a while. Come clean. Tell Isaiah what's been going on. Tell him everything. Maybe it'll soften the blow if I tell him instead. Maybe he won't hate me as much. I scuffed as I turned on my back and stared up at the ceiling again. "How am I supposed to tell him I've been fucking his best friend behind his back longer than the span of our relationship? How can I tell him I fucked Jamel on our wedding night and not have him hate me?"

This is the battle that I constantly went through. I know what's right. I know what I should do. I should come clean. Tell him the truth and get away from Jamel for good. Let Isaiah go. My life is over but he has so much more to live for. He can still go find love and have that family he's always wanted. But a selfish side of me doesn't want to do that. I don't want him to hate and I surely don't want a divorce. I thought that as long as we stayed safe that he'd never know and I'd never have to tell him. But Jamel is such a sociopath it's put me in a jam I can't get out of. The only thing I see is Isaiah hating me and divorcing me. 

"Who am I kidding?" I chuckled humorlessly. "This is no one's fault but my own. Why was I so easy? Why?" I stood up and paced the floor. I was feeling so overwhelmed. I kicked, screamed, threw things around, and cried some more. I lied on the floor in the middle of the chaos I let loose. I rubbed the small stomach that barely showed but was poking. "Despite everything I've done I really do love you Zay."

"Who are you kidding?" I sat up quick when I heard a voice. Jamel stood at the door with a deranged smirk on his face. "If that's true, you wouldn't have been fucking me the entire time. Damn you're heartless."

"You came on to me!" I yelled. "You asked me out!"

"And you said yes," he chuckled while getting a cigarette. I didn't even know he smoked. "You knew my boy had the hots for you and you still went out with me. Bust it wide open that night too. You should've seen me holding in my laughter when he was telling me about how he was a complete gentlemen and didn't want to pressure you." He laughed before lighting the cigarette. I stood there red in the face. "If I remember correctly, weren't you the one getting frisky all night?"

"I hate you," I said. "I hate everything about you! I hate you came into my life!"

"But you loved when I was in those guts right?" he chuckled while blowing smoke at me. "Face sweetheart, nothing you can do to hurt me. I already knew what I was doing when I made you pregnant in the first place. I got what I wanted."

"Why?" Tears rolled down her face. "What did I do to you?! What?!"

He smirked again. "Who said this had anything to do with you?" He turned and left me there. I fell into a mess on the floor. I'm fucked. 

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