BROKEN

THE ENCOUNTER

*Edited*

      "Wake up, Jane. We have a special programme in church today," Gloria said as she shook me to get up.
"What?" I asked drowsily.
"I told you yesterday that a guest minister is coming to church today and I believe God for a miracle," she said in excitement.
I looked at her, confused. "What's the big deal in a guest minister coming? See, Gloria you can go; I want to sleep," I said and turned to the other side of the bed. Soon, I was asleep again. Gloria left me without saying a word. I knew she felt bad but I couldn't help it because I just wanted to sleep. The man of God cannot change my life; abeg, nobody should stress me, I thought.
The sound from the loudspeakers in the church woke me up, as the church wasn't far from my hostel. "Why should a church disturb my sleep?" I asked, rolling my eyes as I got up from the bed. Let me even go and see what's happening there. Reluctantly, I dragged myself to the bathroom to have my bath. The sound from the church was getting louder. It appeared the congregants were praying or something.
After about 30 minutes, I was ready to leave my room. I strolled into the church wondering what was happening there, and lo, I they were singing and worshiping God. There was something different about the atmosphere. I felt like running out but something in me wanted to stay, so I just stood by the door and watched from there.
As the man of God mounted the podium to preach, I sighted Gloria and quietly walked to sit beside her. The man of God had an aura I couldn't describe. Intermittently, as he preached, he would leave the podium and walk across the aisle. Every time he walked past where I was seated, I felt shivers and a burning sensation on my skin. I knew this man of God was different.
I was dozing while preaching was going on. But I managed to stay awake to hear the man of God talk about the unconditional love of God and how He is always ready and willing to take us back into His loving arms when we drift or mess up. At the end of the preaching, the man of God started calling for people to surrender their lives to Jesus Christ. I saw many people trooping out to the front of the church to surrender their lives to Christ. As for me, I just stood where I was, watching the whole drama from a distance. I was less concerned. I had concluded in my mind that I would never step out (although I knew I needed to surrender my life to Christ). How can I? Why should I? Me? Oh no! My life can't change. I have been completely messed up without remedy. It would be better if I stayed the way I am.
This preacher didn't stop as he kept praying and repeating the call for people to step out and be saved. Then he said, "There is still someone in the congregation who is filled with guilt. You have said that God cannot forgive you because you feel your sin is great and irredeemable. You have written yourself off and have tried to commit suicide. Beloved, Jesus loves you and He is waiting for you today. Come out and give your life to Him now."
"Wait! What! Is this man referring to me? Gloria must have told him something about me," I thought angrily. I ignored the call and shook Gloria, whispering in her ears, "Did you tell that preacher something about me?"
"No, I didn't speak with him," Gloria replied quietly. I was confused. How on earth would he have known about my situation? This preacher still didn't stop calling out for people to step out. He kept repeating the words: "Jesus loves you."
He continued, "That lady is still in the congregation; the Lord is waiting for you. Jesus loves and cares about you. He has inscribed you on the palms of His hands. He has a great destiny for you. And guess what! He has forgiven you before you committed that sin. Come to Him now and be free."
Has God forgiven me? I thoughtfully asked.
"Yes, He has forgiven you. There is no condemnation for you," the man of God said. It was as if he heard my question.
I felt a strong urge to step out. It was like an irresistible force was pulling me. I found myself in front of the preacher crying uncontrollably. Immediately, the man of God stopped calling for the lady to come out. It was then I knew I was the one. That day, I surrendered my life to Christ and confessed my trust in the death, burial and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. I became born-again. Instantly, I felt a heavy burden lifted from my chest. I never knew I was carrying such a heavy load I could not bear nor deal with. I felt lighter than before. Of a truth, something definite has happened to me.
Christ met me, saved me and forgave me! I was free from all my burdens. But there was one problem––I could not forgive myself, even after Christ had forgiven me.