BROKEN

JOURNEY TO FREEDOM

*Edited*
    "This is my story," I concluded as the audience gave me a standing ovation.
My face towel was wet from the tears I shed as I finished my story. I spoke for about two hours and then gave room for the audience to ask questions.
While sharing my story, I spotted a lady in pink shedding tears halfway into my presentation till I ended. She sat on the front seat at the extreme left of hall. I was sure she could relate to my story. So, I wasn't surprised when I saw her hands up to ask questions. "Wow! You are a strong woman, Jane. If someone else went through all of this, they would probably be dead by now," she said. I nodded in the affirmative.
Then she asked, "Where is the uncle that started this mess?"
A tear dropped from my eye; it felt like my wound was opened again. I felt pain like I felt in the beginning. I wiped my eyes and said, "My uncle is happily married with children."
The ushers quickly moved to collect the microphone from her when they saw tears in my eye. "Leave her please, let her continue," I said. I saw a smile flash on her lips as she continued.
"You didn't tell your parents, right?"
"No, I didn't because I never felt the need to. Besides, I was scared of what would happen afterwards," I answered. I also responded to other questions from the audience.
As I spoke, I wished I was free from what my uncle did and the monsters he planted inside of me but I wasn't. I couldn't forgive him or myself even though I knew Christ. I hated him and hated myself, too.
I've been standing for over two hours and my legs could no longer carry me. I really wanted to get down from the podium but a young man kept on raising his hands for a question, I had to allow him.
"Thank you Miss Jane. My question is this: What of Paul, what happened to him?"
I smiled and said, "I wished I had an answer to that question but I don't. I've not seen Paul in the last two years and I don't even know how he is doing or what's going on with him. Another thing I don't know is the reason he left. Perhaps in the future I'd get to know."
I got down from the podium and went home immediately after the session ended. I became depressed than usual. Deeper hatred welled up in my soul for my uncle than I had ever felt. I lay on the bed in my room crying and feeling like killing my uncle. After a while, I took a piece of paper and to my uncle, I wrote:
Dear Uncle,
I'm an adult now. You must be happy with your new life. And your wife? I hope you're treating her well? I heard you now have a girl child like the one you molested thirteen years ago. She must be as beautiful as I was. Do you touch her the way you touched me? Have you told your wife about what you did to me? I'm broken, no thanks to you. Your one act created monsters in me that I can't let go of, and the more I try to let go of them, the more they multiply. You must have been very happy to see me cry, right? The hideous beasts you created come every day to remind me that I can't keep a relationship. Thank you for all you did. You left me with a childhood as terrible as you. I hope I can forgive myself and then forgive you, too. Don't worry, this letter won't get out. I'd protect you, monster!

I smiled in tears as I dropped my pen and buried my head in between my legs. I wasn't going to send the letter to him but at least I was able to express my pains.
I was suicidal throughout the week I shared my story in front of a live audience. It was like all the arsenals of hell were unleashed on me. I knew I hadn't forgiven myself. I would walk aimlessly everyday with my headphones as I just wanted to clear my head and think straight.
One day on one of my 'aimless journeys,' I was walking to the lagoon to drown myself when Dawn, my friend called me.
"Jane, what's up? Where are you?"
"Hi Dawn, I'm on my way to the lagoon," I blurted. I couldn't get myself to lie.
"Come on, it's not safe. Please go back home. I'll be on the phone until you get home. Don't try anything stupid, okay?" he said.
After much persuasion, I said to Dawn it was alright and that I wasn't going to the lagoon any longer but that I still needed to take a stroll to clear my head. "Call me in 30 minutes and if I don't pick up then you should be worried," I said.
It took Dawn another ten minutes before he agreed to let me have my 'alone' time. When he ended the call, I sat under a tree and began to think about everything, and then I heard God say to me, "Jane, your life is a story; I wrote it."
When I heard this, I knew this was the beginning of my turnaround.