After this 'gun' was installed in my hand which wasn't painful but it did feel extremely weird. The man numbed my arm for the duration of the operation where he used like a tiny drill that dug this channel from my fingertip through my hand and into what he called a life force thread. I asked questions about that and he explained everyone calls it something different but it is still just like a vein that connects to the soul. Due to his ignorance when he tapped into that life force thread it kind of shot out a bunch of energy and blew up one of the walls. I expected it to blow out the next shop too but when the smoke cleared there was a solid steel wall. To prevent it from happening again he pressed down on my wrist and it cut off the power for a moment so he could install the gun barrel into my hand. Once it was installed he added a couple of drops of this healing gel. I was now left with a hole in the tip of my finger no more than three millimetres wide in diameter. After that, I was given time in his firing range where I got the hang of the gun pretty quickly. There was no recoil. And I didn't even have to aim. Wes was right. As long as my aim is true I won't miss. I felt like I got some power back. I felt stronger now and more confident in who I was. And now I wanted to test the limits of my new toy.
Returning home I showed off my new toy to Wes where he then insisted that I try and meet ivory again. I was confident this time she wouldn't freak out so I agreed. I hope she doesn't freak out. I prayed as I going's Wes in the creature room. I stood beside Wes as Levi called for ivory. The anxiety was eating away at me now. Would she freak out again? Would she try and bite me? What would I do if I couldn't look after them anymore?
"It's going to be ok do just calm down and remember. You are Gemini. You can do anything." Wes said encouraging me he was proud of me. He always has been. But his words actually hurt. I am Gemini. My name brings fear to the hearts of those who are weak. Everyone looks at me like I am a monster. My name may as well be a species name. Because that's what it is beginning to feel like. I can't remember the last time I was complimented on just being me as a person. Not my power. Not my creature abilities. Just me. Maybe returning to the human world wouldn't be a bad idea. I could change my name. Relocate someone else across the world. Ryker can have the creature. And I would just disappear be human again. Live a human life, date a human boy. Maybe this is a blessing. This could have been the best thing that ever happened to me. I could genuinely disappear. Have the scars across my face fixed and no one would know where to find me. It could be a fresh new start. I could have a - I was pulled from my thoughts when my hands were touched. I looked down ivory had nudged my hand. Raised my hand to her head I pattered her. My whole body relaxed at her acknowledgment. She recognises me. Screw leaving this is my home! My creatures are my family. I don't need to have a human family because my creatures are all I need. I love them more than anything else in this world.
"See I told you. You just needed confidence in which you were." I looked up at mum and she looked so proud of me. "It's time to go now, sweetheart. You'll get everything back I promise you." She said with confidence. More than I had. But I gave her a smile and nodded
"Thanks for believing in me mum," I said faking my enthusiasm. Time to face everyone back at the Academy. I thought before turning to Wes "thanks for everything Wes. I really needed this." I told him and he gave me a slight nod
"Go make us proud," Wes said sounding proud already. I nodded now before heading off to collect my things
After I boarded the train and it left the station I broke down into tears. I wasn't ready to go back. I really wasn't. But mum wasn't going to let me stay home any longer. I tried. I tried so hard to think of an excuse to stay home for a week but I couldn't. Not without saying I was scared. Could I really pretend to be who I was before? Sure I can lie my way out of a lot of stuff and never lose at poker. But. Without confidence. It's useless. You can't lie if you don't have confidence in your lie. I cried for about thirty minutes before calming down and just sleeping for the rest of the trip. Arriving back at the academy it was lunchtime the next day. This also happened to be a Saturday so no one was in classes. My hands in my pockets and hoodie over my head I made my way through the halls keeping my head down so no one saw me. My goal was to get back to my room and remain there until Monday unnoticed. I came to a sudden halt when the bells started ringing. It signals everyone that there was an announcement and would be made in the dining hall. When the bells stopped ringing as if on cues everyone migrated in the same direction towards the hall. I tried to keep going towards the black tower bug everyone noticed I was going the wrong way and to avoid suspicion I moved with the crowd too. Just ten times slower. By the time I reached the hall, I could escape because the doors shut behind me. Damn it. I thought getting frustrated now. I'll just hide in the back corner and wait until everyone leaves. I thought going to sit down.
