Retired Poems(ages 13-16ish)

Mom <3

I wrote this to my mother not too long after digging a huge hole for myself in drugs, I was pretty young and afraid for myself. My feelings of guilt were eating me, I felt so disappointed, because I knew she'd be. I still haven't seen her, but I write her. I'll always be a Mama's boy, I love my Mom <3

Hey there, I know, I get it, it's a shock to see me here

You see, I kinda fell, jumped off the track without you near

I tried to, or maybe not- Maybe I wanted this, a little rush

I feel so little, I feel small, scared now that it's too much

I know I messed up, I couldn't pull you underground, unsafe

Dear Mom, I can't wait to apologize like this to your face

I'm sorry your son, myself, I left you there all alone

I just hope that one day, I can return, I can come home

Forgive me Mama, fogive what I did to you

I was a coward, lost, unaware on what to do

I was hurting, reaching, begging for some help

I was running, hiding, only thinking of myself

I'm sorry I said I hated you and pushed you away

I'm sorry I have no clue when I'll see that special day

That smile upon your face, your arms holding me tight

I prayed, hoped, wished for your approval every night

I just knew I wasn't good enough, every single time

Now I know to the imperfections, ugly, you were blind

You saw me as your life, your only son, and plenty more

You never saw me turn my back and leave out that door

I think about you everyday, and Mom I hope you realize

There's nothing more that I regret than stepping from your life

I'll show them like you've always shown me, some are truly kind

I hope one day, I'll make you proud, and see your smiling eyes

I'll gain the courage, clean myself up and stay that way

I'll ring the doorbell standing tall and smiling one day

I swear it to you, even if it takes a while, I'll change

Dear Mom, I can't wait to apologize like this to your face