This is the first time i can remember enjoying my birthday. the only good birthday i remember ever having. Needless to say its the best one ive had.
Fuck i kind of hate not being depressed/as depressed anymore because i can't fucking think or articulate how i feel or what i'm thinking and when i try to articulate it my mind goes fucking blank. - maybe i am still depressed but a different kind. i dont fucking know.
woah, i just realized this is the first birthday i haven't cut on in five years. i wonder if it will last through christmas and do i even want it to? i kind of don't, if i'm honest. it sort of feels like i'm on mood stabilizers again. nothing really feels real- like it does & in most things- some things ? i'm present but it doesn't. feel real that is.
my life right now feels like a copy of a copy of a copy.
and i don't mean i feel like i'm just a cut n paste of someone else, no, i mean its.. its blurry- hazy.
idk maybe i want pain & secrecy again- maybe thats my mental illness. i don't really care- either way its from my mind so does it really matter?
this is about my birthday though, not about my distance from myself.
its like- when i try to articulate my feelings/thoughts its like my brain makes all the content redacted.
i wish i could figure out what to say but i honestly
i guess i'm not myself ?
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Not quite living
LosoweA story of my life up until now, or when "now" is when I finish writing this. Disclaimer: everything in this is 100% true. This story won't be a "family friendly" thing. I'm going to cover very real things that may be triggering. This goes from wh...
