Animator Ships One Shots (Discontinued)

A Light at the End of the Tunnel (Adam x Suicidal Reader)

( Warning! This story has suicidal thoughts and actions in it that some people may find triggering. If you are depressed or have these thoughts I would recommend skipping this story and seeking help. You are stronger than you know and there are people who care about you. You are not alone! If you need to vent I'm open to talk to if you would like. Hope you have a great day! <3 )

Y/N's POV

I woke up feeling terrible, as always. Vidcon was coming up soon and I really didn't feel like going but I had to. I told all my friends I was going and everyone was so excited to see me. I got up and started packing. Slowly, I looked at myself in the mirror and hated everything. My hair was a mess and my eyes has bags under them from several nights without sleep.

"Damn, I'm a mess from head to toe. No one wants to see me at Vidcon. No one really cares. Everyone is here because I did one collab with James and everyone wants to see another one." I told myself.

My phone buzzed and I answered. Adam texted me saying that he and the others wanted to met up before Vidcon. Debating on whether I should go or not was tuff. I didn't go to a bunch of the meet ups this year, probably why everyone wants to see me. Who am I kidding, there probably just being nice to me. I just told Adam I was busy working on a video and couldn't make it.

Too be honest I haven't had the energy to make videos. I've been too busy giving stiff away, mopping around, or telling myself to just die. It's not even I don't want to animate or hang out with my friends, it's because my depression takes all the energy out of me and where I'm going I don't need to animate. I just kept packing up and just took a shower and got back in bed.

An hour later, I heard a knock on the door. I sighed and walked downstairs. "Who is it?" I said tiredly. "It's Adam, James, Jaiden, Tim, Rebecca, and Illy!" I opened the door and put on the best smile to hide my sadness.

"Hey, sorry for dropping by without letting you know. We just really wanted to see you again Y/N, it's been so long!" Jaiden said.

"Yeah! We miss you. You don't even hang out with Adam, and you two known each other for years." Illy said.

That wasn't true. Yeah, me and Adam knew each other since high school but I still talk to him sometimes. He was the first person I told about my depression a while ago. I never told him it got this bad though.

I made sure everyone was cozy as we all cought up with each other. We all joked around and had a great time. "Ah man, I can't remember the last time we had a karaoke night with you Y/N! You have to come this year to sing. You have a great voice!" Rebecca said. I shyly nodded.

"Hey, what about that videos you were working on? Maybe, we could help. Record a line or two?" Tim asked trying to help me out.

"Oh don't worry guys you don't have to. You all probably have videos you need to work on."

"Don't worry Y/N. That's what friends are for." James said.

"Plus, it would give us more of a chance to hang out. I know we all said this already but we really did miss you." Tim said.

At this point I was kinda getting irritated. "They don't mean it. No one missed you  No one ever did miss you. They would be better off without you." My brain kept telling me this even though I know it wasn't true. They do care, right?

"Uh, I have to go to the bathroom for a sec, I'll be right back. " I told them.

I went into the bathroom and collected my thoughts. "Why do you still think they care? They don't like you! They were better off without you. You just drag them down! Your fucking useless. Just leave them alone. Leave everyone alone. Just stop breathing."

"Stop!" I said. I grabbed the razor and looked at my arm. I cut myself with it to silence the voice. One I realized what happened I looked down. Three cuts on my arm. Each started bleeding. I am a mess. I quickly walked downstairs again.

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Adam's POV

I haven't seen Y/N in so long! We only chat online and I really kissed her like everyone else. I liked her a bit and everyone seemed to know it no matter how much I denied it. As soon as I saw her I knew something was up. Her hair was tangled, she looked really sleepy, and she didn't seem happy. I knew she had depression but damn, it got bad.

The rest of the group just went back to talking but I was worried. "Anyone else notice Y/N was different?" I asked.

"I didn't wanna be rude but she seemed a little sleepy." Tim said.

"And she wants excited like she used to when I was taking about karaoke. She loves to sing!" Rebecca said.

"And she looked a little upset." Jaiden added.

"Maybe she's overworked?" James speculated.

While everyone was talking about her, Y/N quickly walked down and grabbed something from the kitchen. I didn't see what it was before she walked back up. "Um, I'm gonna check on her guys." I said excusing myself from the conversation.

Carefully, I walked upstairs. When I got to the bathroom she wasn't there. Something caught my eyes though. It was a razor with wet blood on it. Oh shit! I ran into Y/N's room but before I got inside she opened the door. We started at each other silently. I wanted to ask her so much but she broke down into tears. I pulled her into a hug and she hugged back putting her head on my chest.

"Adam, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to be this bad. I just never feel anything anymore. I'm sorry..." she said sobbing.

"Hey, it's ok Y/N. Just calm down and tell me what's wrong."

After calming her down we both sat on her bed and she explained what happened. "I started feeling super depressed about a year ago. I never had energy to do anything. When you all were talking about how much you wanted to hand out with me I only felt worse! Your all better without me. So I cut myself and I tired to kill myself but then knowing you all would probably come up and see me dead I realised I couldn't do that to you guys. I couldn't do that to you, Adam. I care about you too much to leave you like that." she said starting to tear up again.

"Y/N. Don't EVER doubt how much we care about you! Don't EVER doubt how much I love you! I hate seeing you upset like that. We were worried about you. I'm just so glad your alive."  I said brushing her hair. I saw her blush lightly. "Come on, let's go clean you up and go downstairs. I'll get is lunch." I offered. She smiled which made me blush again.

When we all were out for lunch Y/N told everyone about what happened. Everyone was really supportive and showed her how much they cared about her. A few of them were tearing up. Everyone hugged her and told her that she had people who cared about her. Jaiden even offered some help finding a therapist. Y/N smiled. I could tell she was still upset but she was getting better.

We all went back to her place and after a few hours we all left to get ready for Vidcon. I was the last to go because I wanted to make sure she was ok before I left.

"If you don't mind, maybe I could stay for the night. Just to protect you." I said.

She laughed and then looked up at me. "Adam, when you said you loved me....did you mean it?" she asked.

I blushed and she looked done at me. "W-well yeah. I do Y/N. That's why I'm here to protect you. If you died, I don't know what I would do, who I would hang out with."

She smiled and leaned closer her to me. "Maybe, after Vidcon we could hang out a little more? Maybe go out a bit?"

"Are you asking me out?" I asked her.

"Asking you out and if that goes well, we could maybe hang out more often and maybe be together?" she asked.

"I would love to." I said smiling. She pulled me into a kiss and it was the first time I was her genuinely smile. I felt amazing knowing she was happy.

I was getting ready to sleep on the couch until Y/N looked down at me. "You know you could sleep in my room. I don't really mind. I shared beds with my brother when we were young. " I walked up to her room and I looked at her and she looked back up at me. "Thank you for today Adam. You really made me realize that I have things to live for. There really is a light the end of the tunnel, just had to look for it." We both smiled and we just got into bed and slept in. Vidcon was going to be awesome.