Bittersweet Love

Chapter 15

Carlos's point of view:

I sit in front of the TV with Katie, but I can hardly concentrate on it. My thoughts are with Logan. Of course, that's nothing new, but I'm worried about him. I look over to the counter. Mrs. Knight looks worried too. When I can't stand the wait anymore, the door opens and Logan comes in. Finally. I want to ask him how the dinner was, but let it be when I see his expression. He doesn't greet us, sits on the other side of the couch and stares into space.

"What's wrong with him?" Katie whispers to me. I shrug. Mrs. Knight comes to us and kneels down in front of Logan. "Are you all right, honey?"

He nods, but doesn't look at her. This sight hurts me. Why does he always have to be so unhappy? Mrs. Knight asks, "Logan, has Mr. Roberts done or said anything that bothers you like that?"

At the mention of Camille's dad, Logan involuntarily flinches. "It has nothing to do with him!" His tone is harsh, almost aggressive. That surprises and horrifies me. He takes a deep breath and then says slowly, "I … I was just thinking about something."

"That is something new," Katie mumbles to herself.

"About what?" Mrs. Knight asks, worried. Logan raises his head and looks at her, then at me and Katie. He sighs. "Do you think that … that I'm a good boyfriend to Camille? Am I treating her well?"

"Of course!" Mrs. Knight, Katie, and I say at the same time. However, I feel a dull pain in my body. I try to ignore this.

"Why are you asking that?" Mrs. Knight looks questioningly at Logan. He's silent for a moment, then suddenly everything breaks out of him and he tells us what Mr. Roberts has told him. I'm horrified and angry. Why can't he just leave Logan alone?! How can he just say that Logan doesn't treat Camille well? But … Is it really such a good idea if Logan and Camille are still a couple? Since Logan is together with her, he suffers much more than before. It's not exactly Camille's fault, but wouldn't it be better if Logan broke up with her and found someone, who makes him happier?

'Maybe someone like you?' A mean voice asks in my head. I'm surprised about myself. So far, I have been able to keep my feelings and thoughts together relatively well. What's happening now? Maybe I'm starting to go crazy. Mrs. Knight hugs Logan. A sting goes through my body. How I would like to be the one who is there for Logan. There are always others, especially Camille. But also Kendall, Mrs. Knight and sometimes even Kelly! I blink. What is wrong with me? Maybe it's because I have to go through all this alone because I don't have anyone to tell. At this thought, I feel lonely. I need fresh air. So I get up. "I … Um … I'm outside."

Mrs. Knight nods and turns back to Logan. The stinging gets stronger. Quickly, I leave the apartment.

I sit down on a bench in the park and stare into space. I can't take it anymore. At first, I thought it was okay for me that Logan and Camille are together. But now? I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair. What should I do?

"Hey, Carlos."

I open my eyes and see Jo come to me. Despite my mood, I have to smile. She's my best friend, after all. She sits down next to me. I raise my eyebrows. "I thought Kendall was with you."

She nods. "He was, until ten minutes ago."

I nod and for a moment it's quiet.

"I've hardly seen you lately."

She sighs. "Yes, I know. There is a lot to do on set right now. But it's worth it. The new episodes will soon be on TV."

I grin. "Great. I can't wait."

She laughs, but then gets serious again and looks at me thoughtfully. "Everything's okay with you, right?"

I wonder if I should tell her. But I can't bring it over me. She's also Camille's best friend. That's too risky. But I could tell her at least a little bit of the truth. I shrug. "Well, I'm just worried about Logan."

"Isn't he invited to dinner at Camille's tonight?"

"Yes. That's the problem."

"How so? What happened?"

I hesitate, but then tell her everything that I have just heard from Logan. Then there is silence. Finally, I can't suppress the question, "Jo, do you think Logan and Camille should really stay together?"

She looks at me thoughtfully. "I understand what you mean, but I think they should stay together."

Another question comes to my mind. "Is it true what Mr. Roberts said to Logan? Did Camille really suffer so much?"

Jo sighs. "Yes, it wasn't easy for Camille."

"Then how do you think the two should stay together? If she doesn't even trust Logan-"

"She trusts him. That's why she keeps her feelings secret."

I'm confused. "What?"

"She doesn't want Logan to think she's weak. She wants him to see her as a strong person."

"But … that's crazy. Does she think that Logan wouldn't love her anymore when she showed him her true feelings? That's nonsense. Logan would love her even more then."

Jo nods. "Believe it or not, but I told her the same. But she doesn't change her mind."

I shake my head helplessly. That's too complicated for me.

"Why is that bothering you so much?"

"He's one of my best friends."

"Okay …" she says slowly, but she has a strange look on her face. Does she know that I'm in love with Logan? No, that's impossible. But … I stand up from the bench. "I'm going back to the apartment."

Jo is surprised, but nods and says with a smile, "Okay. See you, Carlos."

"Yes," I answer, and set off. I can almost feel her watching me.