Bittersweet Love

Chapter 16

Carlos's point of view:

Three days have passed and I'm still at a loss. I tried to get my feelings under control - futile. Besides, I avoided Jo. I can't risk her finding out. It would destroy so much. On the other hand, my feelings are getting stronger and more complicated and if I don't talk to somebody soon, I'll go crazy. More and more often I feel jealousy boil up in me when I see Logan with Camille. This jealousy is what scares me the most. It changes me and makes me think of things that wouldn't have occurred to me in a dream. I'm no longer myself and that only because I fell in love with one of my best friends …

I take a deep breath and let my eyes wander over the view. Up here, on the roof of the Palm Woods, you have the best view over Los Angeles. This sight and the silence up here calm me down a bit. I was wondering if I should just try to let Logan go. But even if I tried, it would be pointless. I couldn't do it. Sooner or later everything would come up again. After all, we live and work together and are on top of that also best friends. Once again, I take a deep breath and turn away from the view. Slowly I go back to the door and then on towards the elevator. It's empty in there, which is right for me at the moment. I press the button for the lobby, then lean against the wall and close my eyes. But much earlier than expected, the elevator stops. A look at the ad tells me I'm on the fourth floor. The doors open and my breath stops. Logan stands in front of me and smiles at me. "Hey, Carlos," he says, standing next to me.

"Hey, Logan. What are you doing?"

He shrugs and grimaces. "I wanted to visit Camille, but Mr. Roberts made it very clear to me that she is not in the apartment." He barely finished, then I feel the jealousy again. Sure, what else should he do on the fourth floor? Suddenly a violent jolt goes through the elevator, causing us both to stumble. Then a cracking. Again a jolt, then a bang and the light goes out in the elevator. And suddenly everything is completely quiet. I look around in the dark elevator cabin, startled, while the certainty gradually penetrates my brain: The elevator got stuck! A disturbing feeling spreads in my subconscious, but I can't think of a reason. Then I hear a gasp. And suddenly I understand. "Logan?!"

No answer. It's so dark in here that I can't see where he is. "Logan?!"

Again no answer. Fear spreads in me. Why? Because Logan has claustrophobia. I can remember that Mrs. Knight once explained to Kendall, James, Katie and me what we should do in such a situation. But damn, I can't remember any details! Why isn't Kendall here now? He would know what to do. An idea comes to my mind. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and activate the display. Disappointed, I realize that there is no cell reception in here. But at least I can see something now. But the sight that presents itself to me isn't very reassuring. Logan crouches in a corner, has his arms wrapped around his knees and rocks slightly back and forth. What should I do?

'You have to calm him down.'

I don't know where this thought suddenly comes from. It's almost like a voice that speaks to me from my subconscious mind. I kneel on the floor next to Logan. I hesitate for a moment, then gently put an arm around him and gently pull him towards me. "It's okay, Logan. You're not alone. I'm with you. Try to keep calm. It will be alright."

Nothing happens. Now I put my second arm around him as I keep calming down on him. And finally, it seems to work, because he moves his head slightly in my direction and looks at me. "Carlos …" His voice is so full of fear that tears are coming to my eyes. "Yes, Logan. I'm here."

His body starts to tremble. "Carlos, I want to get out of here!"

"I know, Logan. Don't worry. People must have realized that something is wrong and they certainly got help. We'll be out of here soon. Just try to keep calm."

"I can't!" Now there's pure panic in his voice.

"Yes, you can! I know it. You have to keep calm, Logan. Then everything will be fine."

He doesn't answer. I only hear his faster breathing and feel the trembling of his body. He approaches a panic attack. What happens when he faints? What should I do then? "Maybe someone can hear us." I want to get up to check my idea, but suddenly Logan's hand closes tight around my arm and holds me back. "No, don't go away!"

I stop immediately and sit down again. His grip loosens slightly. "Please don't go away."

I look into his perfect face and see tears running down his cheeks. This sight breaks my heart. I have to fight my own tears when I take him in my arms again and this time he returns the hug. He lays his head on my shoulder and cries to himself. Logan needs help and although I'm so sorry for him, there is a small part in me that enjoys this situation. Finally I'm the one who is there for him. I'm happy about it and despise myself for it. But I can't help it. Then I hear his voice again, "Carlos?"

"Yes?" I answer softly.

"Thanks for being here with me." He raises his head and looks at me seriously. I also look into his face. Despite the reddened eyes, tears and paleness, his face is still perfect. My heart starts to throb fast. As if I were under a spell, I reach out and gently stroke his hair. He allows it. I realize how close we are right now. I can feel his warm breath on my cheeks. I could kiss him now and nobody would ever know … My head is completely turned off, all warnings are silent. Slowly I lean forward. He doesn't back away. And then ... another jolt makes me lose my balance. The silence has disappeared. The sounds of the elevator are back. The doors open and bright light comes in. In the bright light, Logan looks even more terrible and it looks like he might lose consciousness at any moment. Then there is a panicked cry, "Logan!" And suddenly Camille is there. She kneels in front of Logan, pulls him into her arms and talks softly to him. Logan, however, doesn't even seem to recognize her and that pleases me a bit. At the same time, there is again the self-loathing. Now I see Camille placing a hand in Logan's nape. Gently, she begins to scratch him there. I don't know what she wants to do with this action. Then a shiver goes through Logan's body and he blinks a few times. He raises his head and now he seems to notice Camille. New tears are forming in his eyes. He puts his head on her shoulder and cries, while Camille whispers softly to him, things I can't understand even though I'm sitting right next to them. I'm disappointed and angry. I was the one who was in this elevator with Logan! It was me who was there for him! And although Logan is still crying, I can see how he draws strength from Camille's presence. She calms him down by being there. Something that I couldn't do.

'But he thanked me. He was glad that I was there with him.'

These thoughts sound weak in my head. Maybe he will not even remember. But I will remember it. Especially that he didn't back away when I almost kissed him …